Have You Seen This Man?
Hopefully not, at least not in this outfit.
Ben Affleck is one of those guys that simply makes you scratch your head. Why he's doing movies, why he's occasionally on news talk shows, why you might see him on the Budweiser Hot Seat on ESPN. These are all questions that I truly cannot provide accurate and complete answers to.
Here's the most puzzling thing about Ben Affleck. While his frequent appearances outside of Hollywood may or may not bother you, he shouldn't even be around because he hasn't made a good move in about 10 years. It was a small film called "Good Will Hunting".
To paraphrase the great Jay-Z (Shawn Carter) "You said you been in this ten...Four albums in ten years nigga? I can divide. That's one every let's say two, two of them shits was due. One was - NAHHH, the other was "Illmatic". That's a one hot album every ten year average. And that's so - LAAAAAAAME! Nigga switch up your flow. Your shit is garbage, but you try and kick knowledge?"
For those of you who don't follow that reference, simply read it again and make these substitutions: Ben Affleck for You, One for Four, Movies for Albums. It should make sense now, trust me.
Anyway, this guy really should just be eradicated. Let's do everyone the favor. Who even likes him anymore. I know no one's going to see his movies. I would doubt that his last two movies, "Jersey Girl" and "Surviving Christmas" were in theaters for more than a combined 75 minutes. And "Gigli"? Jesus Christ Almighty. If you've seen it before, or even know someone that's seen it, please send me your address and I'll personally give you your money back. There are some movies that are fun to watch, simply because they are bad. This movie way beyond that. I've actually seen parts of it. I can't say I've seen it all, I'm too afraid. We've all heard the stories. That one kid from Sacramento that contracted SARS from watching it, or the woman and her children from Toronto that lost their senses of smell. I'm not going to even gamble, and take risk.
What other reasons are there to hate him? Well, for starters, he's a Red Sox fan. Which isn't even the worst part. The worst part is that he thinks he's in the front office, and that anyone gives a damn about his opinions. "Trade Lou Merloni for a bag of balls", and all of his assorted anti-Yankees sucker shots, from the cameras of ESPN no less. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think there have been any popular Yankees fans on ESPN insulting the Red Sox. I have no problem with him rooting for his favorite team, but please, keep your fucking mouth shut. Make a good movie once every decade, and then, and only then will I give you the opportunity to speak in public about your team.
Politically, the guy's an asshole. And its not because he's a democrat. He could be a republican, he could be a whig, or a tory or a green party member or anything for that matter. What's annoying is how active he is, campaigning for various insundry candidates and what not. Get it together Affleck, no one cares.
So, the bottom line for Mr. Affleck should be this: Focus yourself to your movie career. We know, or at least we like to hope, that you have talent in this area. Please use it. Otherwise, sterilize yourself and get the fuck out of my face.
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