Aarrrgh....To Be Young Again

Recently, a certain movie containing a certain pirate made a certain amount of record breaking money. Yes, folks, the movie I am referring to is "Pirates of the Carribean 2: Dead Man's Chest". Easily, this ranks as one of the greatest pieces of film in cinematic history. Ever.

The uber-action sequel starring Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, and Keira Knightley has made over 135 million dollars at the box office thus far. It hasn't been out for more than two weeks.

While "Pirates" is by no means a quickie (2 hours and 25 minutes, running time), every second is well worth it. I recently found myself at a movie theater, enjoying each thrill, joke, and Keira Knightley push-up bra.

Cap'n Jack does'nt disappoint, and the movie leaves you at such a cliffhanger that your only excuse for not seeing the third installment in the series would be an unfortunate and untimely death.

However, seeing the movie got me to thinking about actually being a pirate. What a life that would be, no?

Imagine, if you will, being able to travel around the world, and just straight up steal shit from people. You don't have to have a reason, you don't have to have a conscience. All you do is pillage and plunder.

Old-school pirate lore includes rape in the pillage and plunder line, but with contemporary laws as they are, we are inclined to leave rape off the list of advantages of being a pirate.

Granted, most pirates don't have the best hygiene. However, that doesn't have to be the case if you are the kind of guy that doesn't like, well, stinking up the joint. Pirates can make their own rules, live by their own laws. While it would be strange for a pirate to wear a three piece suit, who is honestly going to question the man that has you at gun point, your wife bent over, and your expensive stuff in a burlap sack?

Another benefit of being a pirate: you have the constant opportunity to outsmart the coppers. Internationally, you would be known as a menace to society. Something that law officers hate, women love, and men desire to be. You get to drop lines like, "You'll always remember the day you almost caught, Captain Dexter Mclean". If, of course, Dexter Mclean, if your pirate name.

Thats another thing, you have free reign to change your name to what would best suit a pirate. Scott Spinelli, not going to cut it as a pirate name. I'm not sure what I'd go with, but I'm leaning towards getting the world "arbuckle" in their. It screams pirate, to me at least.

Also, if sailing isn't your thing, you could always be a land pirate. Cruising around in a Jeep, packing stuff into your van. Wow. It's all too exciting, isn't it?

Let's not forget about your first mate. Is there a better friend in the whole world? I think not. Except for a willing to try anything, tag-along Jessica Simpson, the first mate stands alone as man's true best friend. This is a man that, despite his being a bit smarter than you, never asserts authority. Never wants to be the captain. Only, wants to serve you. Suggesting what to do at some points, waiting for your orders to follow at others. And, let's not forget, saying "Aargh" more times than you could shake a stick at.

So, here's to being a pirate. Here's to saying the word "matey" and spitting into spitoons. Here's to stealing, and plundering, and pillaging. Here's to wearing the same pair of torn jeans for 3 weeks straight. And, here's to being a swashbuckling. Whatever that means.

No Way, Jose

I think the Mets have learned their lesson. At least, I hope that they have.

After getting pounded for 7 runs (5 earned) in 3 innings, Lima was taken out of Friday night's game against the Marlins and then taken out of the league.

This man, Mr. Jose "Lima Time" Lima, just doesn't have it any more. That isn't to say that he ever truly had it.

Wait! Wait! I know what some of you Lima Time apologists are thinking. This guy won 21 games in 1999, as a member of the Houston Astros.

That is, in fact, true. However, what seems to be more and more clear about Mr. Lima is that he's a so-so pitcher with a lot of flair and the occassional hot streak. For his career, he's 13 games under .500.

This is the man who has lost 16 games in a season, not once, but twice. This is the same man who's had not one, but two separate stints with both Kansas City and Detroit (I'm not sure if you can remember back when Detroit was bad, but those were his years).

Career era? Just under 6, and batters hit a Hank Blalock-esque .287 off of him for his career. So, all in all, not too good. In fact, pretty bad.

It's a miracle, as far as I'm concerned, that he's ever even made it this far. A righty with average stuff to last over 12 years in the bigs, that's more than impressive. So, for longevitity, we will applaud Joey's efforts. But that's all.

Joseph started his career in Detroit, in his first major league season he was tagged for 10 runs in 6.2 innings. Most likely, his career ended in New York, after Dontrelle Willis took a first pitch fastball 405 feet for a grandslam. While Willis may be a good hitter, for a pitcher, he still is, without doubt, a pitcher.

If there is one more round of Lima Time, somewhere in the majors, we wish him the best of luck. But, GMs beware, this guy isn't and really hasn't ever been, any good.

How I Hate You So...Let Me Count The Ways

I hate certain things about the MLB All-Star game. In theory, I should enjoy it as much as I do the NBA All-Star game, but such is not the case. The grouping of the game's best players in one city for a night of fun and festivities. What could possibly, under god's green earth, could be better?

Well, as I've said, in theory, nothing. But, Bud Selig, ever the fuck-up, just won't let some things go.

My first problem with the All-Star game is the most recent change to its format: the fact that it counts. How in the hell did anyone approve this idea? Am I the only one that thinks its ludicrous to allow a player from Tampa to have a stake in what league gets home field advantage in the World Series. Further, what makes you think that player from Tampa cares as much as the player from the White Sox (of which there are no shortage of this year, suprisingly).

What ever happened to letting the team with the best record have home field? Call me crazy, but that's what I thought the regular season was about.

One of Selig's defenses of this change in format was that now the game has meaning, and that is why people will watch it. My question is, why does this game have to count? Yeah, it ended in a tie a few years ago, and that was a problem. But, that could be solved by simply making the rosters a pitcher or two bigger. Making it count? That's what we watch the other 162 games for. Those count. For one night, its ok by me to have a game not count and watch the players have fun.

My second problem: every team needs to be represented in the All-Star game. This year the glaring representation of this problem is Mark Redman. Sporting a record a game over .500 and an era near 6, Redman finds himself a member of the AL All-Stars. If I was Mark, I'd be embarrassed to be selected. He has to know that he doesn't belong. There are others that are being selected because someone has to represent their team, such as Barry Zito. But Zito is at least having a good year, and has had good years in the past. Christ, he was a Cy Young winner at one point. Redman is a career 12 games under 500. A few years ago, Travis Harper of the D-Rays was this guy. Last year, Ken Harvey was the man. Every year there is a guy that sticks out like a sore thumb, and I, for one, feel bad for him. Mark Redman, under no circumstances, should be in Pittsburgh for the All-Star game. He knows it, I know it. I don't care if every other pitcher in the entire American League came down with the plague, I still wouldn't invite him.

My final problem with the game is the selection process. I'm sick and tired of being pissed off at who is left off and put on the teams each year.

Francisco Liriano, league leader in ERA, not on the team. Justin Verlander has the most wins and best era on the best team in baseball, also, not on the team. Ramon Hernandez leads the majors in homers from a catcher, and has twice as many as the AL starter, Ivan Rodriguez. Travis Hafner and Jason Giambi, while both are putting up great numbers this season, are not much better or worse than Ortiz, Konerko and Thome, so I have no problem there. Here's whats wrong---of those first three guys (Liriano, Verlander, and Hernandez), only one will make it. How does that make any sense?

Not to take anything away from Mark Buerhle, but how is his season any better than the two young pitchers listed above, or, for that matter, than Mike Mussina's or Curt Schilling's? In fact, statistically, Buerhle is worse than all 4 pitchers. So, no, I am not accusing Ozzie Guillen of favoritism. Of course not.

Maybe its because I don't follow the National League as much, but I don't have nearly the same amount of problems with their roster. I don't agree with Lo Duca starting behind the plate (if it was up to me Dave Ross, who's not even on the last vote, would start because he's only got 4x the amount of homers that Paulie has). Also, who's dick did Brian Fuentes suck to get on the team? They already have Matt Holliday, so one would assume that the Rockies quota was filled. Apparently not.

Still, I'll watch some of it. But you can rest assured, I won't be happy doing so.

As The Dust Begins To Settle

As if you haven't gotten enough NBA Draft coverage thus far, we here at Putting It In Reverse feel it is our birthright to bring to you what should serve as the final word in draft analysis. After watching the entire first and second rounds of this past Wednesday's draft, we offer up a team by team analysis of the draft that was.

1. Toronto Raptors - Andrea Bargnani (F)
Let's put it this way, if this wasn't a lottery pick, this would be a great pick. As a first overall selection, eh....I'm not so sure that this guy will be much better than a Vladimir Radmonivich-type ballplayer. He shoots the three and can score (what foreign player can't nowadays?), but, like the rest of his imported pals, he doesn't really care much for defense. That'll be problem. Not to mention his spot in the lineup, which remains to be seen at this point. A potential logjam has been cleared with the deal of Chucky V, but still, Rasho and Bosh look to get the lion's share of minutes at the 4 and 5.

2. Chicago - Tyrus Thomas (F)
This freak of nature was originally selected by the Blazers, and then moved to the Bulls. The Bulls had originally taken LaMarcus Aldridge with their pick, and it seems as if they'd be better suited to have kept Aldridge. Neither is entirely ready to be a great NBA player just yet, but Aldridge certainly has the more polished offensive game of the two. Now, with a lineup of Ty Thomas and Ty Chandler at the 4 and 5, there is no offense to speak of at the top of that lineup. Still, fans in Chi town should have fun watching Thomas make highlight reel plays and hopefully develop into a good player. He needs to desperately add some weight (at 215, he weighs the same as Eric Piatkowski) and to develop some O. I think he will.

3. Charlotte - Adam Morrison (F)
I had Charlotte taking Rudy Gay here, but I'm glad they didn't. Gay may turn out to be the better player in time, but Morrison can step in right away and give a legit. scorer from the perimter to a team previously lacking this type of player. Think Wally Szczerbiak with more toughness and more ways to score.

4. Blazers - LaMarcus Aldridge (F)/Brandon Roy (SG)
The guy's got polished game, and could develop into a legit 18 and 10 guy. But, he needs to gain weight and add a mean streak. Listen to him interview and you can tell that he comes off as soft. The men in the NBA will eat him alive if he doesn't mature in that area. One other potential problem: Zach Randolph is in his way currently at the 4. I don't like Randolph. Fortunately, neither do the Blazers, and they're trying to move him. But, unfortunately, no one else likes him or D-Miles, so it seems as if Aldridge will have to wait a few years to get into the big time.

With Roy, there isn't enough good I could say about this kid. I love his attitude, his personality, his toughness, and the decision to stay in school for 4 years. It paid off for him, and he should be able to start right away, and give some height to a previously diminutive backcourt. Expect nice things.

5. Atlanta - Shelden Williams (FC)
Not tall enough is really the only complaint about this 4 year senior. He's tough enough, has a man's body, and can block shots and rebound. Not to mention, he's got a decent offensive game with his back to the basket. But, let's temper expectations. He won't be Elton Brand. But, he does play great D and that always can help a team without a true 5. And, he won't be the first undersized big man in the league. My problem with the pick: they needed a PG more than a big man, and there were obviously several other little men available. Tyronne Liu and Royal Ivey can't be allowed to captain this ship for much longer.

6. Minnesota - Randy Foye (PG-SG)
This Newark native might have trouble cracking the lineup initially, but he's a hell of a player. Can play either guard spot and will have to be more a PG to truly thrive with KG. But, I think he can do that. He's a tough guard, and is built like a stack of bricks. If he can develop quickly, he could be that guy that helps KG turn that team around in a few years.

7. Boston - Rajon Rondo (PG)
Boston recieved this gentleman from Phoenix. They had originally taken Foye, but then dealt him. They recieved Sebastian Telfair and Theo Ratliff, two absolutely useless pieces. This team is entirely banking on acquiring A.I. IF, and only if, that happens, this turns out to be a great draft. IF it doesn't, which appears to be the case, then this is a terrible set of decisions. Bassy is an overhyped Coney Island kid. Theo is old, disgruntled and overpaid (not to mention they already have a Ratliff, his name is Kendrick Perkins). And Rondo can't really even play the sport he claims to be a member of. He has decent vision on the floor, but really got by due to athleticism. If his life depended on it, he couldn't score, and as far as I see it, that's a significant problem in the NBA.

8. Houston - Traded rights to Rudy Gay for Shane Battier
Good deal, I think. While Gay certainly should be better than Battier, Shane does serve a good purpose. Houston, despite their awful season, isn't that far away, and they don't have much time to fool around with the constant injuries to McGrady. Battier can come in next year and give the Rockets some good D, decent shooting and scoring, and a selfless attitude. Unlike with Gay, they don't have to wait to see what they're going to get.

9. Golden State - Patrick O'Bryant (C)
I didn't like this pick initially, but the more I think about it, the more I like it. While O'Bryant only had a so-so season, he exploded in the tourney, and has good size (7-0, 260). While they're in debt from here to forever with Adonal Foyle, O'Bryant could move the poet to the bench. Hopefully, he could provide scoring and some D at the 5. Like most prospects in this draft, he needs to sculpt his body a bit more. They could've used a back up PG here, but I like the O'Bryant pick.

10. Seattle - Saer Sene (C)
This pick makes absolutely no sense, on several accounts. First, they should've learned about drafting guys like this (they already have Bobby Swift and Johnny Petro). Second, they needed a scorer more than a C (with the impending exodus of Rashard Lewis). Finally, and most importantly, Sene stinks. He wasn't even good in Senegal, that basketball factory.

11. Orlando - J. J. Reddick (SG)
Again, I didn't like this pick at first, but I've since come around. While he'll never be a phenomanal all-around pro (neither was Steve Kerr), Reddick does possess one incredible skill. The man can bomb from anywhere on the floor. When open he can drill shots from seemingly any place on the court, and he can make a bit of separation for himself. Also, if his back is alright, he'll be on the floor to get good looks from double teams of Dwight Howard and from drive-and-kicks from Jameer Nelson.

12/15. New Orleans - Hilton Armstrong (C)/Cedrick Simmons (F)
I loved, again, loved, both of these picks. P.J. Brown seems to only be getting more surly and elderly as time goes by. Now, these two absolute earth movers can hold down the middle for this team. I've watched both play in college (Armstrong way more than Simmons), but both can block shots and rebound. I think both will undoubtedly be successful at those aspects in the pros. As far as offense is concerned, Armstrong has less work to do than Simmons. Neither will be a great scorer, but I think they won't be big enough liabilities that they would hurt the team to be out there.

13. Philly - Rodney Carney (SF)
I don't really get this one. Carney is an explosive athlete that can run, and shoot the 3. He can't dribble in particular, but still, what is puzzling is not Carney's ability, but where he fits in on this team. They already have someone that does nearly everything that he does, his name is Andre Iguodala. So, with that in mind, I don't get the pick.

14. Utah - Ronnie Brewer (G)
While I'll admit I haven't seen much other than highlight film of Brewer, from everything I read, he should fit in great in Utah. Besides the fact that he's not white or European, he is everything this team needs. A defensive player that can score from the 2. Let's face it, Gordon Giricek, Milt Palacio, and Devin Brown aren't starting guards in this league. This kid can play and he should get a chance to show it this year. Also, Utah took the NCAA leader in rebounding the last 3 years (Paul Millsap) in the 2nd round. I heard this from someone else, but I don't see why he can't be a Reggie Evans type with more offensive game.

16. Chicago - Thabo Sefolosha (F)
Just to spare repeating what I've read, I'll leave this one empty. I don't really know much about him.

17. Indiana - Shawne Williams (F)
While I don't know much about this guy either, I didn't like this pick. Not because of Williams, but because the Pacers could've used another Williams at this spot. Tinsley should have, by now, worn out his welcome as the PG for that team, and Anthony Johnson isn't an everyday starter there either. Marcus would've been a better pick due to team needs.

18. Washington - Oleksiy Pecherov (F)
Again, don't know much here. All I can say is that, again, Marcus Williams, would've been a better fit here. How often have this middle first round picks failed from other countries. Having Williams at PG would've allowed Arenas to move to SG.

19. Sacramento - Quincy Douby (SG)
Great for Mr. Douby. But, for Sac-town, I'm not sure if I get this one too much. If they plan on re-signing Bonzi Wells, then this man is the 4th two-guard on the team. He's admitted that the Kings have asked him to backup Mike Bibby, but there's no denying that this guy, despite what his size may say, is a shooting guard. Not a point guard.

20. New York - Renaldo Balkman (F)
Who? Is it even fair at this point? Just when you thought this team couldn't become any more comical, they prove everyone wrong. But, if you're Renaldo, a guaranteed contract and no expectations could turn into some needed motivation. Still, this is a guy that could've been signed as a free agent. Terrible pick, maybe not a terrible player, but a terrible selection.

21. Phoenix - Traded rights to Rondo, no draftees this year.

22/23. New Jersey - Marcus Williams (PG)/Josh Boone (PF)
Great, great job by Rod Thorn and the Nets. How Marcus Williams fell this far is beyond me. I don't care about his weight or attitude. He can hone those under the tutilage of a Jason Kidd. But, his skills are unquestionable. Absolulely love the first pick. He'll be the guy that Kidd will pace the torch to.

And Boone, while attitude and heart may be a question, I again don't care. He can block shots and play D. As a big man, he should start right away. Unlike any other man over 6-8 on the Nets, Boone can play D over the rim, and that will certainly help.

24. Memphis - Kyle Lowry (PG)/Rudy Gay (SF)
Great draft for Memphis. To draft at 24 and get a hard nosed PG like Lowry and a potential superstar in Gay for only Shane Battier is absolutely unbelievable for the Grizz. I believe Gay will certainly become the player he is supposed to be. I questioned his shooting touch this year, but watching him at UCONN dispelled any concerns I had. He has freak athletic ability and skill, all he needs to worry about is not becoming the next Lamar Odom (ton of talent, no killer instinct). As for Lowry, I think he's too small to become a dominant point guard in this league, but as far as being a solid contributer, I think he'll be fine. Still, I think his offensive game could use work and he would've greatly benefited by staying an extra year or so at 'Nova.

25. Cleveland - Shannon Brown (SG)
This athletic combo guard should do well for Cleveland. He attacks the rim like it assaulted his mother, and that obviously can't hurt a team like Cleveland, in need of scoring outside of LeBron James. But, unfortunately for the Cavs, they need another marquee player, and at 25, Brown was the best they were going to do.

26. L.A. Lakers - Jordan Farmar (PG)
Not as good as Williams, Farmar is still a very good point guard. He sees the floor well, is fairly quick, and most importantly, understands the role of the true PG. This should bode very well in the Zen Master's triangle offense and Kobe. What may end up hurting Farmar is whether or not he can hit the open looks he gets from 3 in the Lakers' offense.

27. Phoenix - Traded Rights to Sergio Rodriguez to Portland.
Not much to say here, I've never really seen S-Rod, Spanish Chocolate.

28. Dallas - Maurice Ager (G)
Haven't seen enough. But, how much do they really need? I doubt its coming from pick 28 in a week draft.

29. New York - Mardy Collins (G)
From Temple and without outstanding stats, I wonder how good he really is. He didn't even look quick in his highlight reel. At least, for Knicks fans, he's a recognizable name.

30. Portland - Joel Freeland (PF)
One word: England. I bet he never plays a game in the NBA.

So, there you have it. The final word has been given on this year's NBA Draft. Portland, NJ, and NOK come out as the biggest winnners, NY and Seattle the biggest losers. In a draft basically devoid of any really evident superstar players, I think that many of this year's selections will be able to help teams in a big way right away.