Can't We All Just Get Along?

In this corner we have our heavy weight, all 6-feet, 2-inches of him. Weighing in at 195 pounds, the Dominican Cheater himself, Julian Tavarez.

In the other corner we have the challenger. Coming in at a whopping 5-10, 170, Joseph Gathright.

That's a fight I'd love to see...

Wait a minute, that's a fight I could've seen, just a week ago.

Let me ask this question: What could have possibly provoked this sort of scuffle? A brew-ha-ha between these two? More like a laughingstock. The picture at the top should send you into hysterics if these words alone don't do it for you.

Here's a couple of possible scenarios that could have spurred on the fight.

1. Gathright, unaware of how ERA's actually worked, called Tavarez a piece of shit for his 21.60 ERA in 1994 as a member of the Cleveland Indians for less than 2 innings that season.

2. Tavarez wanted to challenge Gathright to a game of Jenga, and Gathright simply refused.

3. Gathright, ever the staunch Democrat, insulted Tavarez's belief in right to life.

4. Tavarez, upset that he's still in the league, wanted to start a fight so that he could get his name in the paper one more time without having to cheat to do so.

5. Gathright figured that if he could just get suspended, he'd be eligible to come back just as Rocco Baldelli was getting injured again, and reclaim the starting 8 spot in the D-Ray's outfield.

Whatever the reason was, this is what a wise man once called, "high comedy". First of all, baseball players taking swings at each other is enough for me. Then, when you add two players such as this who couldn't be any more different, you have yourself a hit. Gathright, the small, slap hitting speedster. Tavarez, the middle reliever. That's about all you can say for him nowadays. He's a cheater. Wait, I've made that joke already. Ok, here's a new one, he's played for eight teams. That's enough Tavarez bashing.

Hopefully, the next time we get to talk about fights, we're talking Craig Wilson and Rafael Soriano. Until then, we'll have to settle for Gathright/Tavarez II on the 18th of April.