What's Next?

You've heard of Who's Next?, ESPN's most recent attempt to cover the simple, yet elusive concept that they have nothing new to report.

Well, in light of all of the recent garbage that has come out of every element of the sporting world, the new segment should be called What's Next?

Michael Vick's dogfighting, NBA referee gambling scandals, steroids in baseball, doping in cycling, etc.

Honestly, it does beg the question, what could possibly come next? One might have thought that simply attacking the lives of others either via drunken driving (Leonard Little, Bengals) or automatic weapons (Ray Lewis, potentially Tank Johnson) was simply enough for NFL players. While no one will accuse the dogfighting issue of being anything other than a Michael Vick issue, its fitting that it happens to be a player in the National Football League.

The NBA betting/referee scandal truly comes out of left field. That's not to say people never suspected this sort of thing of going on. Rather, it's to suggest that of all the problems that sports have, most don't truly compromise the integrity of the entire game. Donaghy's situation could clearly ruin a game that already has seen its support diminish.

The steroid cloud in the majors is nothing new, but then again, neither are the doping discoveries from the Tour de France. But, then again, why on Earth does anyone care what goes on in the Tour. If there isn't an American heavily involved and Lance Armstrong isn't cycling, who cares? Not to mention, ever year, every stage, guys are being DQ'd for the same charges. Could you imagine if every other week, a new player in the majors was being suspended for steroids?

There really is no defending the actions of Michael Vick, or at least what he is alleged to have done. The fighting, wetting and electrocuting. In truth, if anyone should be hosed down and electroshocked it should be the upper management of the Falcons for drafting wide recieving clowns like Roddy White and Michael Jenkins. Or, Vick himself when he constantly over throws said recievers or flips off fans.

Like I've said, there's no question these recent stories have shocked the sports world, but, where does it go next? It truly seems like something ESPN could really sink themselves into. Same format as Who's Next?, just with a criminalisitic twist.

Our pal Stu Scott leads a discussion panel of assorted ESPN "analysts" to review which athletes will commit which atrocities next....

"Alright y'all, it's time for your predictions."

"I'm gonna go with Daniel Cabrera. He's betting on baseball, but not on MLB games, on Long Island Ducks games. But y'all, that ain't all. Dude's pushing weight to immigrants."

"Thanks, Keyshawn."

And The ESPY Goes To...

Does anyone give a shit?

Better question, is there a bigger collective jerk off than the ESPYs?

The answer to both of these questions is, unequivicably, n-o.

Sure, we're a few days (fine, a week) late.
So, in honor of the world renowned award show, we at Putting it in Reverse bring to you our very own ESPYs:

Hosting this year's show with overweight comedian Jimmy Kimmel is the much maligned Benny Zobrist. With that trademark "I'm a natural lefty but lost a bet so I'm swinging" righty stance and his famed trip over third base while trying to score a go ahead run earlier in the season, we couldn't think of anyone better to represent our award show.

The show would take place in Atlanta, on the field of a Braves game. During a Braves game. Even still, we doubt people will stay to see the conclusion of the game.

Some categories include:
Best Hernandez In Sport: Anderson Hernandez (also eligible for Best Anderson in Sport cat.), Orlando Hernandez, and Yoel Hernandez
Funniest Name: Contestants include Jo-Jo Reyes, Yovani Gallardo, Shelly Duncan, and Joba Chamberlain.
Only Sport Not Listed On Yahoo! Sports Top Bar: Contestant and Winner? WNBA
Worst Idea For A New Business Venture Started by Athletes: Mike Vick's Dog Pound and Kennel, Bryant Roadside Motels, Pac Man Jones Anything, The LaRussa/Hancock Driving School.

Other categories include Athlete You Wouldn't Mind Seeing Barbaro'ed and Team That Most Deserves Contraction.

We've combed through the possible choices, not only for categories but for our hosts, and we feel as if the lineup shown above is one to pack a punch that surely the most C-List of athletic celebrity will be hard-pressed to miss out on. Don't be surprised to see Chucky Atkins handing out awards or Carlos Ruiz serving refreshments in the lobby. Nate Clements has already volunteered to check coats at the door, and Takashi Saito has committed to working security.

Should be an exciting night.

I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Or, I just might.

Yi Better Check Yi'rself, Before Yi Wreck Yi'rself

Who does Yi Jianlian think he is?

It's been two weeks now, and still, the divide between the newest Chinese wunderkid and Milwaukee's Finest (not the brew, unfortunately) grows larger by the day. Apparently, the Sacramento Kings are interested in aquiring the 19 year old brat's service. And not brat as in the kind of sausage that Randall Simon pummelled only a few years ago.

I wonder where he gets off thinking he can say no to the Milwaukee Bucks after they made him their 6th pick overall. What happened to the good ol' days when a Chinese athlete was simply happy to be able to leave his country without taking 6 lashes to the back?

Gone are the days when our athletes from the Orient simply came, and played.

In are the days when Maryland schooled-punks can say no to Vancouver. Or silver spooned quarterbacks can deny a lifetime in San Diego.

What was the reason he gave for not wanting to play in Beer-town? Not a high enough Asian population. Boo-hoo.

Just once I'd like to see the the league grow a sack and put the squash on something like this. Tell Yi to either stay and play, or get the hell out.

Notes:

• You've gotta love NFL contracts: Dwight Freeney-6 yrs, 72 million. Odds that he ever sees more than half of that?
• You've gotta hate NBA contracts: Rashard Lewis-6 years, 110 million. At just over 18 mil per year, Lewis now not only makes max money, but gets to play with the recently extended Dwight Howard for the forseable future. Though, Lewis, for all the great things he does (3 point shooting, offensive game from a guy with a 6'10'' frame), there are some things he does poorly. How about rebound? Not really. How about man to man D? Not really. Then again, does a max contract guarantee a max player in the NBA anymore? Not really.
• File this under the "Could've Seen That Coming" Category: Ben Sheets, after throwing a pitch to Todd Helton, was taken out of yesterday's 10 inning contest that saw the Brewers come out on top. Sheets says he'll be "alright", but we all know what that means. Inner ear problems, anyone?
• If you can think of one reason the Nets signed Jamaal Magloire for any amount of money, you're not only smarter than I am, but a better person.
• Draft Recap: Once again, the Knicks have most likely made fools of us, picking a guy that no one (besides me) thought was even worthy of a top 50 selection and the Sixers have bombed in another draft. Yes, they did draft Iguadola, but other than he and Iverson, who else? To say they've done poorly since drafting Iverson is a ridiculous understatement.
• Finally, the Vassilis Spanoulis experiment has come to a conclusion in Houston. Don't worry though, after complaining of homesickness, the Vassy the Greek is still owed 1.9 million dollars for this upcoming season. How on earth could anyone have ever given him more than, let's say, 78 dollars to play for the season?
• Scott Spiezo has just been put on the DL. This is terrible news for two reasons. First, those of us who just love that red little shit streak on his chin will have to wait the obligatory 15 days. Second, the Cardinals, at least for the time being, have lost their best reliever.

Here's To You, Mr. Brown

There lives a man, deep in the shadows of the heartland of this great country. He simply does his job, at least when his manager lets him.

This is the life of Emil Brown.

The former Pirate, Padre and Oakland Athletic lives his life in quizzical Royalistic hell.

Drafted in 1994, Emil Quincy Brown didn't see the friendly confines of Three Rivers Stadium until 1997. It wasn't until 2001 that this 6th round pick, at one point considered the proverbial "5-tool-player" (whatever that means nowadays), got to see regular time. Long story short, he didn't exactly capitalize. Stuck in a logjam behind a starting outfield of Gary Matthews Jr., Brian Giles (back when he could hit the ball out of a Major League ballpark), and John Vander Wal. He did play over 60 games, but 3 homers and a batting average barely over the interstate wasn't enough to warrant extended playing time.

For three years after, he bounced around baseball, though not on any particular diamonds. Tampa Bay, Cincinnati, St. Louis, Houston. These franchises all passed on Emil's services. The longest tenure he had with a team was 15 months-with Houston, and he didn't play a second.

Finally though, a team with a recent track record nearly as distinguished as Emil's recent past decided to take a chance on him. Yes, I speak of only one team-the Kansas City Royals. They had lost 100 or more games two of the past three seasons. Really, what did they have to lose?

Emil inherited the spot occupied by Abraham Nunez, Aaron Guiel, and Matt Stairs. Not exactly a garden variety crew of All-Stars, to say the least.

In his first season, Brown was second on the team in games played, ABs, hits, homeruns, and walks. He lead the team in RBIs, steals, and runs. Overall, there wasn't much debating the idea that he was the best offensive player for the Royals throughout the season.

Fast-forward to the next season, 2006. Brown almost equals his previous season's stats and is either in the lead or top 3 for every single offensive category. And how did the Royals reward the man that had led the team in RBIs two years in a row? Well, apparently not with a guaranteed roster spot.

Opening day against Boston? Not quite. Thus far, he's only played in 64 of the team's 88 games. Yet, with all this said, Brown still is second on the team in RBIs.

Confused? You should be.

Brown doesn't say much, and, quite frankly, he doesn't hit much either, at least this year. Going into the All-Star break, he's hitting a paltry .227. But, the team is only hitting a combined .259, which ranks 10th in the AL. Not good.

Well, I'm sure you're wondering who has taken Brown's spot in left field. Primarily, the former D-Ray speedster, Joey Gathright. Not the worst choice, he is hitting over .300, but still bats in the bottom third of the order when he does play. Brown? He bats cleanup. So, you're cleanup hitter isn't an everyday player? And you wonder why you're in last place in your division?

The issue is simply this: Brown is a good story. Here's a guy no one has heard of, who was out of baseball for three straight seasons, and then, when given a chance to play all season, puts together two very solid seasons. For the two seasons, an average of 16 HRs, 84 RBIs and a .286 BA. Not bad at all.

And now, what is he? An occasional player, a frequent cleanup hitter, benchwarmer to Joey Gathright. That's what it has boiled down to. Really, it's too bad. But hey, that's what happens in Royal-ville. When winning games is a top priority, the good story is sometimes sacrificed for the better player.

"And so it goes, and so it goes."