Every Man Has To Have One

Earlier in the day, London time, I was reminded that the eighth day of October in the year two thousand and six was Columbus Day. My little brother didn't have school. Businesses, banks, they all close down. Even the Yankees took the night off.

And this rest and importance attributed to the man once known as Cristobal got me thinking as to my favorite explorer. Not to take anything away from Topher, but I'm not sure I'd choose him. Actually, I know that I wouldn't.

After giving this some serious, deep, and contemplative thought (as if there's any other kind when debating an issue of this magnitude), I've found my man.

He's made his living on the tongues and maps of people all across the world. However, he still lives in relative secrecy. Existing as a relic, the man only spoken of in fairy tales, only referenced to by intellectuals and only discussed in small groups at Italian-American club meetings.

Of course, the man I am speaking of is Amerigo Vespucci.

'Spooch was a man amongst boys. While others were merely bumping into new continents that would later prove worthless (the West Indies, who needs it?/is it even still there?) Amerigo was busy discovering that little continent known as South America. He was also the first to believe that he was actually bumping into a new continent, and not merely an extension of Asia. Pretty heavy stuff, huh?

The details of his life are significant, however, too numerous to detail here. What remains to be told is that this man is simply not revered to the level that he should be. For Christ's sake, we live in America, not in Christopher.

I say we do ourselves all a favor and not only replace Columbus Day with Spooch Day, but also give the entire world a day off, not just Americans. Amerigo's contributions shaped the world that we live in and the universe that we hope to continue to define. It is because of his hard work, determination in the face of adversity, and ever-persistent determination in the face of hard work and adversity together that Italian men such as myself have the confidence to play sports, approach women and masturbate in public places.

Well, maybe not all of those things.