The Fastest Thing Since Sliced White...

His name is Cody Paul. He's a running back. He's white. He's the best running back you've never seen.

Oh, one thing. He's not in middle school yet.

Just a detail, considering rumors have circulated that the young Paul has already made a silent commitment to USC. With the recent transferring of RB Emmaneul Moody, it's all starting to fall into place for the young phenom.

First of all, check him out, immediately. I'll be here when you get back.

Impressed? It's almost hard to not be either amazed at the kid's ability, or the editor's ability to alter reality (or, the space time continuum, as it may be).

Beyond his age, what also aids his phenom status is his skin color. I'm sorry to bring race into it, but let's be fair. When was the last time there was a great white running back? Or, skill position player outside of the tackle box? Ed McCaffrey? Ricky Proehl?

The only RB I can think of is Robert Smith, though his skin color (and, planet of origin for that matter) is still up for debate.

If this kid can make it to any sort of prominence, the white-speed athlete may be on its way back. That is, if it ever was there to begin with.

Notes:

• Sad as it may be, it's official: The Silly Mo Era in Boston has officially ended, for only a player to be named later to the sturdy, talent laden Washington Nats. Funny, it comes at around the same time that the Eric Gagne Era ends as well.


• You've got to love NFL training camps, and the NFL pre-season. Guys like Brad Smith of the Jets getting snaps at QB, LaDanian Tomlinson not playing one second of any game. Holdouts lasting all summer for guys like JaMarcus Russel and Larry Johnson. Really, just family fun all the way around. Pardon me for being glued to the NFL Network for continuing coverage.


• In other, ultra-important sports news, the Spurs have reached a preliminary agreement with former Trailblazer SF Ime Udoka. Good thing, the Spurs needed another unknown, foreign talent.


• Penny Hardway recently signed a contract with the Miami Heat, to return to the NBA. That's it.

End of an ERA

In both, tragic, senses of the phrase.

Two men that comprise the file and rank of major league pitchers have recently fell into the myseterious Bermuda Triangle of lost ability. A trip includes a ballooning earned run average, multiple souveniers for fans, and a possible (and looming) trip to the disabled list. For these two, it should be re-termed the FL, or finished list.

Jose Contreras and Bartolo Colon. Two men who, in the not-so-distant past, have seen both their right arms and, ultimately, careers completely fall apart.

Our star from the Country of Many Rafts, Mr. Contreras, was the best pitcher in baseball as recently as the first half of last season. Bartolo has had more issues of late, but had won 21 games as recently as 2005.

Both men could throw in the mid-90s and had another pitch to rely on. In Joey's case, it was the split fingered fastball. In Bart's case, a variety of fastballs and a changeup. However, the difference between the two comes in how they have lost whatever it was that made them successful. Contreras, for really no apparent reason, has no life on his fastball. At all. He's lost about 5 to 8 mph, rendering anything else he throws useless. The confusing thing on the other side of the ledger is that Colon hasn't lost much velocity, if any at all. He still throws in the mid-90s, but as straight as an arrow.

The end result? Pro longed batting practice for opponents for about an inning or 2 before they are yanked.

It's a sad state of affairs, but, as we've seen so many times, it happens to be the best of them. Or, to the worst of them.



Notes:

• Finally, Casey Jacobsen and his smoking hot wife are back in the ol' US of A. He makes his return to the association with the Memphis Grizzlies. Jacobsen was drafted in 2002 by the Suns. A few fun facts: over his career, Jacobsen has made more than 3 million bucks; in his second season, he made 75 threes (can anyone remember him even shooting that many?) which was exactly half of the shots he made all year.


• Former SU safety Anthony Smith made semi-national NFL news when he absolutely laid out WR Willie Reid in a non-contact, half speed practice drill. Said Smith when questioned by team leader Hines Ward, "It's football!".


• With the MLB trading deadline passed, some of the most interesting deals were those that didn't happen. A few examples? Kyle Farnsworth to absolutely anyone. Bad player, bad attitude, bad contract. Yummie. Kei Igawa to the Mariners. Come on. Have you seen this guy pitch? Adam Dunn to the Nationals. Not that the Nats have anything to give up thats worth holding on to, but is there a more "dead end" type of player to acquire? Jermaine Dye to the Red Sox. Yeah, it would've been a good deal if contracts could be erased, but, lest we forget, JD Drew is still on the books for at least 65 million.


• One deal that did happen still makes no sense. Matt Morris to the Pirates for a no name or two. First of all, Morris makes more than the league minimum (by several million), so right there he doesn't fit into the Pirates vision of an ideal ball player. Second, he's an aging right hander that has gotten generally worse over the past 4 to 5 seasons and the past month or so of this season. Third, aren't the Pirates out of the running for any sort of playoff spot this year (and every year, for that matter)?


• The Kevin Garnett deal to Boston was quite the deal for the C's. I'll admit, I liked it a lot, at least in the short term (as in the next 2 years). They should be able to go the Eastern Conf. Finals, at the very least. That is, of course, if they can fill a roster. Right now, we all know 3 of the starters (Garnett, Pierce, Allen). One assumes that Perkins fills in at 5 and Rondo at the point. But, outside of the Big Baby and a possible return for Tony Allen, who else comes off the bench? Not that a deep bench is absolutely necessary, but a bench of some kind is required. Have fun filling out that 12 man roster.

What's Next?

You've heard of Who's Next?, ESPN's most recent attempt to cover the simple, yet elusive concept that they have nothing new to report.

Well, in light of all of the recent garbage that has come out of every element of the sporting world, the new segment should be called What's Next?

Michael Vick's dogfighting, NBA referee gambling scandals, steroids in baseball, doping in cycling, etc.

Honestly, it does beg the question, what could possibly come next? One might have thought that simply attacking the lives of others either via drunken driving (Leonard Little, Bengals) or automatic weapons (Ray Lewis, potentially Tank Johnson) was simply enough for NFL players. While no one will accuse the dogfighting issue of being anything other than a Michael Vick issue, its fitting that it happens to be a player in the National Football League.

The NBA betting/referee scandal truly comes out of left field. That's not to say people never suspected this sort of thing of going on. Rather, it's to suggest that of all the problems that sports have, most don't truly compromise the integrity of the entire game. Donaghy's situation could clearly ruin a game that already has seen its support diminish.

The steroid cloud in the majors is nothing new, but then again, neither are the doping discoveries from the Tour de France. But, then again, why on Earth does anyone care what goes on in the Tour. If there isn't an American heavily involved and Lance Armstrong isn't cycling, who cares? Not to mention, ever year, every stage, guys are being DQ'd for the same charges. Could you imagine if every other week, a new player in the majors was being suspended for steroids?

There really is no defending the actions of Michael Vick, or at least what he is alleged to have done. The fighting, wetting and electrocuting. In truth, if anyone should be hosed down and electroshocked it should be the upper management of the Falcons for drafting wide recieving clowns like Roddy White and Michael Jenkins. Or, Vick himself when he constantly over throws said recievers or flips off fans.

Like I've said, there's no question these recent stories have shocked the sports world, but, where does it go next? It truly seems like something ESPN could really sink themselves into. Same format as Who's Next?, just with a criminalisitic twist.

Our pal Stu Scott leads a discussion panel of assorted ESPN "analysts" to review which athletes will commit which atrocities next....

"Alright y'all, it's time for your predictions."

"I'm gonna go with Daniel Cabrera. He's betting on baseball, but not on MLB games, on Long Island Ducks games. But y'all, that ain't all. Dude's pushing weight to immigrants."

"Thanks, Keyshawn."

And The ESPY Goes To...

Does anyone give a shit?

Better question, is there a bigger collective jerk off than the ESPYs?

The answer to both of these questions is, unequivicably, n-o.

Sure, we're a few days (fine, a week) late.
So, in honor of the world renowned award show, we at Putting it in Reverse bring to you our very own ESPYs:

Hosting this year's show with overweight comedian Jimmy Kimmel is the much maligned Benny Zobrist. With that trademark "I'm a natural lefty but lost a bet so I'm swinging" righty stance and his famed trip over third base while trying to score a go ahead run earlier in the season, we couldn't think of anyone better to represent our award show.

The show would take place in Atlanta, on the field of a Braves game. During a Braves game. Even still, we doubt people will stay to see the conclusion of the game.

Some categories include:
Best Hernandez In Sport: Anderson Hernandez (also eligible for Best Anderson in Sport cat.), Orlando Hernandez, and Yoel Hernandez
Funniest Name: Contestants include Jo-Jo Reyes, Yovani Gallardo, Shelly Duncan, and Joba Chamberlain.
Only Sport Not Listed On Yahoo! Sports Top Bar: Contestant and Winner? WNBA
Worst Idea For A New Business Venture Started by Athletes: Mike Vick's Dog Pound and Kennel, Bryant Roadside Motels, Pac Man Jones Anything, The LaRussa/Hancock Driving School.

Other categories include Athlete You Wouldn't Mind Seeing Barbaro'ed and Team That Most Deserves Contraction.

We've combed through the possible choices, not only for categories but for our hosts, and we feel as if the lineup shown above is one to pack a punch that surely the most C-List of athletic celebrity will be hard-pressed to miss out on. Don't be surprised to see Chucky Atkins handing out awards or Carlos Ruiz serving refreshments in the lobby. Nate Clements has already volunteered to check coats at the door, and Takashi Saito has committed to working security.

Should be an exciting night.

I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Or, I just might.

Yi Better Check Yi'rself, Before Yi Wreck Yi'rself

Who does Yi Jianlian think he is?

It's been two weeks now, and still, the divide between the newest Chinese wunderkid and Milwaukee's Finest (not the brew, unfortunately) grows larger by the day. Apparently, the Sacramento Kings are interested in aquiring the 19 year old brat's service. And not brat as in the kind of sausage that Randall Simon pummelled only a few years ago.

I wonder where he gets off thinking he can say no to the Milwaukee Bucks after they made him their 6th pick overall. What happened to the good ol' days when a Chinese athlete was simply happy to be able to leave his country without taking 6 lashes to the back?

Gone are the days when our athletes from the Orient simply came, and played.

In are the days when Maryland schooled-punks can say no to Vancouver. Or silver spooned quarterbacks can deny a lifetime in San Diego.

What was the reason he gave for not wanting to play in Beer-town? Not a high enough Asian population. Boo-hoo.

Just once I'd like to see the the league grow a sack and put the squash on something like this. Tell Yi to either stay and play, or get the hell out.

Notes:

• You've gotta love NFL contracts: Dwight Freeney-6 yrs, 72 million. Odds that he ever sees more than half of that?
• You've gotta hate NBA contracts: Rashard Lewis-6 years, 110 million. At just over 18 mil per year, Lewis now not only makes max money, but gets to play with the recently extended Dwight Howard for the forseable future. Though, Lewis, for all the great things he does (3 point shooting, offensive game from a guy with a 6'10'' frame), there are some things he does poorly. How about rebound? Not really. How about man to man D? Not really. Then again, does a max contract guarantee a max player in the NBA anymore? Not really.
• File this under the "Could've Seen That Coming" Category: Ben Sheets, after throwing a pitch to Todd Helton, was taken out of yesterday's 10 inning contest that saw the Brewers come out on top. Sheets says he'll be "alright", but we all know what that means. Inner ear problems, anyone?
• If you can think of one reason the Nets signed Jamaal Magloire for any amount of money, you're not only smarter than I am, but a better person.
• Draft Recap: Once again, the Knicks have most likely made fools of us, picking a guy that no one (besides me) thought was even worthy of a top 50 selection and the Sixers have bombed in another draft. Yes, they did draft Iguadola, but other than he and Iverson, who else? To say they've done poorly since drafting Iverson is a ridiculous understatement.
• Finally, the Vassilis Spanoulis experiment has come to a conclusion in Houston. Don't worry though, after complaining of homesickness, the Vassy the Greek is still owed 1.9 million dollars for this upcoming season. How on earth could anyone have ever given him more than, let's say, 78 dollars to play for the season?
• Scott Spiezo has just been put on the DL. This is terrible news for two reasons. First, those of us who just love that red little shit streak on his chin will have to wait the obligatory 15 days. Second, the Cardinals, at least for the time being, have lost their best reliever.

Here's To You, Mr. Brown

There lives a man, deep in the shadows of the heartland of this great country. He simply does his job, at least when his manager lets him.

This is the life of Emil Brown.

The former Pirate, Padre and Oakland Athletic lives his life in quizzical Royalistic hell.

Drafted in 1994, Emil Quincy Brown didn't see the friendly confines of Three Rivers Stadium until 1997. It wasn't until 2001 that this 6th round pick, at one point considered the proverbial "5-tool-player" (whatever that means nowadays), got to see regular time. Long story short, he didn't exactly capitalize. Stuck in a logjam behind a starting outfield of Gary Matthews Jr., Brian Giles (back when he could hit the ball out of a Major League ballpark), and John Vander Wal. He did play over 60 games, but 3 homers and a batting average barely over the interstate wasn't enough to warrant extended playing time.

For three years after, he bounced around baseball, though not on any particular diamonds. Tampa Bay, Cincinnati, St. Louis, Houston. These franchises all passed on Emil's services. The longest tenure he had with a team was 15 months-with Houston, and he didn't play a second.

Finally though, a team with a recent track record nearly as distinguished as Emil's recent past decided to take a chance on him. Yes, I speak of only one team-the Kansas City Royals. They had lost 100 or more games two of the past three seasons. Really, what did they have to lose?

Emil inherited the spot occupied by Abraham Nunez, Aaron Guiel, and Matt Stairs. Not exactly a garden variety crew of All-Stars, to say the least.

In his first season, Brown was second on the team in games played, ABs, hits, homeruns, and walks. He lead the team in RBIs, steals, and runs. Overall, there wasn't much debating the idea that he was the best offensive player for the Royals throughout the season.

Fast-forward to the next season, 2006. Brown almost equals his previous season's stats and is either in the lead or top 3 for every single offensive category. And how did the Royals reward the man that had led the team in RBIs two years in a row? Well, apparently not with a guaranteed roster spot.

Opening day against Boston? Not quite. Thus far, he's only played in 64 of the team's 88 games. Yet, with all this said, Brown still is second on the team in RBIs.

Confused? You should be.

Brown doesn't say much, and, quite frankly, he doesn't hit much either, at least this year. Going into the All-Star break, he's hitting a paltry .227. But, the team is only hitting a combined .259, which ranks 10th in the AL. Not good.

Well, I'm sure you're wondering who has taken Brown's spot in left field. Primarily, the former D-Ray speedster, Joey Gathright. Not the worst choice, he is hitting over .300, but still bats in the bottom third of the order when he does play. Brown? He bats cleanup. So, you're cleanup hitter isn't an everyday player? And you wonder why you're in last place in your division?

The issue is simply this: Brown is a good story. Here's a guy no one has heard of, who was out of baseball for three straight seasons, and then, when given a chance to play all season, puts together two very solid seasons. For the two seasons, an average of 16 HRs, 84 RBIs and a .286 BA. Not bad at all.

And now, what is he? An occasional player, a frequent cleanup hitter, benchwarmer to Joey Gathright. That's what it has boiled down to. Really, it's too bad. But hey, that's what happens in Royal-ville. When winning games is a top priority, the good story is sometimes sacrificed for the better player.

"And so it goes, and so it goes."

Hapless Hobos

There are two positions in Major League Baseball that seem to be the constant home for vagabonds and hobos: Catcher and Closer. For the purpose of clarity, we'll focus just on closers in this rant.

Last night, Putting It In Reverse had the priviledge of getting to see one of these bums up close and personal. Giants CL Armando Benitez (of Yankees and Mariners fame) came into the game, his team leading 4-3 in the bottom of the 12th inning.

After wisely walking leadoff hitter Jose Reyes, Benitez refused to give Joey Kings the chance to steal a base on his own. Instead, Armando balked, not once, but twice. The sequence went as follows: balk, bunt, balk, run. Then, in classic Armando Benitez style, he got one man out, then actually got 2 strikes on the next batter.

Unfortunately, that 91 mph fastball doesn't get the kind of mileage that Benitez would like. Delgado deposited the 2-2 pitch into the right field stands. This came only 4 days after Benitez's most recent appearance, in which he lost the game, surrendering two runs.

Though anyone in the Tri-State area has seen these sorts of meltdowns before, Tuesday night's against the Mets has to rank up there as the most glaringly horrific. The simple fact that he balked twice, one sending Reyes home, should be enough to have him either shot or cut. Or both.

Yet, Sr. Benitez isn't the only jerk manning the last inning in the majors. In Cleveland, "Sweaty" Joe Borowski looms at the horizon, scaring opposing teams with his stellar 6.75 ERA. All said, he's tied for second in the league with 17 saves. His AL Central buddy, Todd Jones must have naked pictures of Bud Selig. He's been bringing his tired act all around the country, writing Sporting News columns with blank hats along the way. His career ERA is over 4, and yet, he's still around. What about in the NL Central, our pals Ryan Dempster and Dan Wheeler? They've got jobs too, and if memory serves, they've never been anything other than remotely average. The list goes on. Salomon Torres, Al Reyes, Bob Wickman.

Think the game is getting too specialized? You may be right.

An A Bomb, For A Rod

Well, 14 of them, to be exact. It's almost becoming laughable, isn't it? 14 homeruns in his team's first 18 games. That's a record, he became the fastest to 13 in the second inning and the fastest to 14 in the ninth. But, still, it's not enough for Alex Rodriguez and the Yankees, they're 8-10 and have lost 4 straight. It begs the question, how bad would this team be without Mr. Rodriguez.

A little context, first of all. This is the same man who, just a season ago, endured boo's not seen anywhere in baseball this side of the Golden Gate Bridge. Couldn't hit in the clutch, couldn't against the Red Sox, couldn't hit against the Mets. Now, he hits against everyone, at every time.

Quite simply, A Rod is shitting on Major League Baseball, night in and night out. Or, as John Kruk put it more elegantly, he's "making a mockery of the game". And, to be fair, there really isn't much arguing with that point. Regardless of wins or losses for the Yankees, this guy is swinging like's got a fungo bat in his hand.

The ball hit in the 9th inning of Al Reyes earlier tonight was not a matter of if, but rather how far. As soon as it came out of Reyes hand, everyone in Tampa knew Rodriguez would've had to really messed up to not hit a homer. And, sure enough, he crushed it, effortlessly, took a look, flipped his bat, and began to trot. Such is life for Alex Rodriguez.

He's on pace for what, 100 plus homers, and over 165 RBI's. Seems doable, at the very least. It's gotten to the point that I'm actually rooting for him to get up in big spots. What a difference a year makes (or, in this instance, a great 3 weeks).

So, you ask, what is the solution? Give him the Barry treatment, just walk him. Well, you can't do that because, unlike the Giants, the Yankees don't run out a Ken Griffey baseball game lineup. Why don't they pitch inside more? That hasn't worked either, because he's hit the ball over the plate, inside, and outside. Face it, the guy is just this good. Well, not this good, but really, really close.

Maybe his all-world play will taper off, but he's almost a lock (barring injury) for 50 homeruns. And it's still April. Who knows, maybe by that time, the Yankee's will have reached that same plateau in wins.

Pirate's Booty

Mediocrity's the buzz word around baseball fans in the Steel City these days. Pittsburgh's own, the Pirates, aren't looking particularly strong, but, let's be clear, they're not looking as pathetic as they have in year's past. Some nice young arms, a few solid hitters. Not all is bad in P-town. Jim Tracy doesn't have much on him this year, all he's got to do is be mediocre. Not too difficult, right?

Let's Be Honest:

How many games can this team possibly win? How depressing is this season for the Pirates? These are all questions that should be answered throughout the season. But, I will confidently say that it's actually worse to be a fan of the Pirates for this one season than a team like the Nationals. Here's why: at least Nationals fans can root for their team to lose. When you're stuck as a middling NL Central team, it doesn't get much more predictably worse than that. At least, I don't think so.

Four Strong:

That's how I'd describe the starting rotation's first four members (Ian Snell, Tom Gorzelanny, Zach Duke, and Paul Maholm). After that, not so hot. In the words of Brian Kenny, oh no. Tony Armas Sr., Tony Armas Jr., and Shawn Chacon are all "zach" duking it out for the number 5 spot. I'd personally give the advantage to Armas, the senior. Chacon and Jr. really are fringe AAA pitchers.

This Year's Freddy Sanchez:

It appears as if last year's NL Batting Champ is nicked up to start the season, so it begs the question, who will take his place. What former utility bum will flourish? My pick: Nate McLouth. He seems to have it all in place. No starting job at the start of the season, a career .240 average. He's my guy.

Ronalpaulino:

Ok, Ok, that's a stretch, but I think you get it. This kid's not that bad. Matter of fact, he's pretty good, from what I read. Hit over .300 both halves of last year, played well behind the plate. Keep an eye out for him. From what I also read that shouldn't be difficult either, as the man is an absolute tank (6'2", 245).

Good Deal:

I'll say it now, the Mike Gonzalez deal was a good trade for the Pirates. Sure, Adam LaRoche is just a 1B, and there are tons of them. Yes, LaRoche is a good player, and getting better, but Gonzalez had been lights out. I recognize all of these things, but the major issue for me is, how important is a closer to a team like Pittsburgh. How many big games are there going to be for them this season? Though I don't think the Pirates ever really addressed the issue of getting a live body to fill the closer role, in the long run the deal is a good one. LaRoche will likely be there for a while, playing productively, and a closer can be found at a later date.

Bold Statement (s):

Jim Tracy will not be fired. Eh, I know, not so bold. But, consider the fact that managers of better teams have been fired for less.

Reliever Jonah Bayliss will confirm what everyone has suspected for sometime, he is in fact reputed journalist Skip Bayliss.

Rolling The Dice

This team came in third last year. Yes, the Blue Jays did finish ahead of them. Surprised? On paper, you should be. But, if you saw this team at all last year, it shouldn't have come as much of a Wichita State type shocker. Either way, they've reloaded (as only they and the Yankees can so grandly do) and are looking to prove last year was an abherration.

Let's Be Honest:
The Sox are still a loaded baseball team. Manny and Ortiz are the best 3-4 combo in the game. Beckett, though he looked like weak batting practice for the duration of the season, and Schilling, who has shown signs of age, could easily turn things around. That right there should be enough, and we're not even talking about the additions of Mr. Matsuzaka or Mr. Drew. I'm a Yankees, fan, and I'll admit, I'm a bit nervous.

Andrew Daisuke Matsuzaka:

The 103 million dollar man better get used to living in a pressure cooker. I'm not saying he won't be great, but he damn well better be. Over 100 million for a guy that no one's really ever seen about. Hell, he exists more in fantasy columns about gyroballs and other mythological pitches than anywhere else. Barring injury, look at starts 11-20 for him. I have a strong feeling that his first 6-10 starts will be strong, since no one will have seen him. That second time around will prove how worth his yen this man is.

Papel-back:

Well, the Joel Piniero experiement finally ended. Some may say it never got started. Obviously, this is the best short term move. Any sort of competing club can't have Piniero as a closer. The man couldn't be a starting pitcher and never has proven to anyone he'd be anything other than a generally middling reliever. Add on to that the fact that Mike Timlin is now legally deceased in 35 of the 50 states, and J.C. Romero's era was near 7 last season. Sure, Papelbon's arm is going to fall off sooner rather than later. But, do we really care about these players' well being? Apparently not.

Silly Mo, Right Field Is For J.D. Drew:

Unfortunately for all of you Wily Mo Pena/Eddy Curry enthusiasts out there, the Sily Mo moments for the Red Sox will have to go on hiatus. Or, at least until J.D. Drew spends his typical stint on the DL. So, by, at the latest, Pena will be back in RF by mid June. This idea that Drew is such a good player really is mind boggling though. He's only played 145 games or more 2 times, and only topped 75 RBI's twice. Injury prone and inconsistent, seems like a guy Red Sox fans will absolutely love.

I Love It When You Call Me Big Papi:

This year, David Ortiz will play first base. Maybe the Greek God will get hurt, maybe not. I have no real reason to think he'll ever be out there, but, why not?

Bold Statement (s):

D. Matsuzaka will ultimately go by D.K. Matsuzaka, following in the line of fellow foreign pitching product B.K. Kim, whose first name should be abbreviated, if in English, with several more points of reference.

Dustin Pedroia's BA will go up, to at least a respectable .245 this season.

Rockin' Out, With Their Clint Hurdle's Out

It must be difficult (or, at least I'd imagine) to rout for the Colorado Rockies. Sure, they won 76 games last year. They were marginally competitive for stretches. But, they've got a manager whose first name comes exceedingly close to the marriage of two slang words for a vagina (not to mention the little facial hair he had under his lip). They also made one move this winter, trading pitcher Jason Jennings to Houston for center fielder Wily Taveras, a move that, by all accounts, made very little sense. So, all in all, it seems like it's the same story, different year for the Rockies.

Let's Be Honest:

This team is going to score a ton of runs this year, no questions asked. Not that this should come as a shock to anyone, but this team is an offensive machine. While I can't defend trading a decent pitcher for a weak center fielder, the acquisition of Wily Taveras does give the Rockies a legit leadoff hitter, a throwback to the Juan Pierre days. Not to mention, they get a full season of healthy Todd Helton.

Of course, the problem will come on the other side of the ball. After Jeff Francis and Aaron Cook, the rotation falls off a cliff, almost literally. Our pal from Baltiore, Roddy Lopez, and a cast of other characters makes it imperative that this team is a juggernaut offensively if they want to win any games.

Trying To Trade The King?:

News out of Colorado has the Rockies trying to shop B.K. Kim. Raise your hand if you find this humorous, on several levels. First of all, what is this guy still doing on a major league roster? Oh, and in case you didn't notice, he's a starter now, so he's not giving up late inning bombs anymore, but spreading the wealth through the first few. In fairness to The King, his ERA away from the unfriendly confines of Colorado was a paltry 6.78. Second of all, and most obviously, who wants this guy? Not that teams don't have players worse than him, but who is actively trying to acquire someone of his talent (or lack thereof)?

Last Name Fun Fact:

While I'm sure this isn't correct, I doubt anyone cares enough to dispute the following factoid. If Chris Iannetta and Troy Tulowitzki win out their respective jobs (C and SS), they will have the most combined letters in their last names out of any SS-C combo in the league. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

God Have Mercy on Brian Fuentes:

The man of indistinguishable nationality did a great job as the closer for the Rockies last year, no one is denying that. But, if he gets hurt, look out. The back-up candidates are not only poor choices, but have failed quite notably either elsewhere or in Colorado. Latroy "Sadie" Hawkins is probably Hurdle's first option, not that anyone wants to go there. Then, we have Jeremy Affeldt, a man who was cast aside by the Royals, which has to say something. After that, there's a guy named Ubaldo. Enough said.

Off-Field Drama to Watch For:

In what would usually cost viewers a pay-per-view on HBO, Colorado Rockies faithful will be dutifully treated to a 162 round bout between two heavyweights, Troy Tulowitzki and Clint Barmes. Barmes, not actually a heavyweight, has the support of his fellow Clint manager. Troy, on the other hand, stands in at an Andre-The-Giant-esque 6-3, 205. We'll go with Clint, simply because he wears his hat properly, and because he's engaged to someone in the Rockies front office.

Enough Is Enough Already:

When is everyone going to come to the realization that I have already come to in my mind: Major League baseball can't be played in Colorado. You can't get pitchers to come there, and the hitting is so obviously skewed its nauseating. This team hits over 65 points better at home than on the road, for the last seven seasons. In the past seven years, the team ERA has been under 5.20 once, and that was last year. Do us all a favor, and get this team out of Colorado to a place where it might be able to legitimately compete, or at the very least, expose itself.

Bold Statement (s):

Matt Holliday and Garrett Atkins will both put up eerily similar numbers to this past season, reinforcing two things. One, hitters thrive in Colorado. Two, they are both robots.

Josh Fogg will get struck in the head by a line drive this season, ending his career. (Ed. note: By "get struck in the head by a line drive", we simply mean that his ERA will continue its three year climb and ultimately result in his removal from the league).

Singing The Beltway Blues

If a lack of talent was Sam Perlozzo's club's only problem, one might not feel so bad for the Baltimore Orioles. However, when you look up at the three teams definitively ahead of the O's (Yankees, Red Sox, and Blue Jays in no particular order), you begin to get a sense of the despair in Baltimore. Sure, there are some promising young hitters and a few potential surprise pitchers. But, barring any life-threatening accidents during those 3 teams' travel plans, the Orioles seem destined for another 4th place finish.

Let's Be Honest:

Last year, the hype was around Leo Mazzone. Could the former Braves pitching coach work his magic, turn players like Daniel Cabrera, Erik Bedard and Rodrigo Lopez? Well, the answer was, by and large, a big, stinking N-O. Bedard had a pretty good season, but the other two were downright awful. Lopez was so bad, he had to be shipped to Colorado. Keep in mind folks, this is the same Rodrigo Lopez who started and won the last two Opening Days for the O's. Cabrera, on the other hand, showed flashes of brilliance, sandwiched in between borderline Gulf Coast League performances. Which of these Cabrera's shows up, along with how well Adam Loewen progesses will determine whether or not this team can even think about challenging for 3rd place.

The Hayden Penn Watch:

I'll be the first to admit, I loved this kid. I did. I had him on a deep fantasy league team, and waited all year for him to be called up. Though, when he did, he certainly disappointed. Once heralded as the best prospect in the system, Penn is now an afterthought. In two seasons, he is a combined 3-6, with a era just under 10 (at 9.31), and a whip just above 2 (at 2.03). Not that anyone else even cared about this kid, but we can officially put him to rest, once and for all.

Where's Tom Hanks When You Need Him?:

The reason I ask is because the roster for this team looks like a bunch of castaways, from all over the league. Jay Payton, Aubrey Huff, Jaret Wright, Steve Traschel, and Scott Williamson. They all played for different teams last year, and they all figure to contribute quite heavily this year. Not a good thing to have to plug in that many new players to your lineup and staff.

1st And Forever:

Former first overall pick, Kris Benson has elected to have surgery on his right shoulder, effectively ending his 2007 season before it began. The oft-injured right hander has experienced pain for a while and it makes you wonder how much left he has in his tank.

Share The Wealth:

Last season, Miguel Tejada lead the Orioles in every major offensive category except for steals. As is the case with the pitching staff, if this team wants to think about competing someone else is going to have to step up and help lighten Michael's load. Whether it's Melvin "Five's a Charm" Mora, Aubrey "Don't Get Yourself In A" Huff, or Brian "Don't Call Me Bip" Roberts, someone has to do it.

Bold Statement (s):

Nick Markakis will bring it all together this season, he'll finish with respectable though not world beating numbers. I'd say 290-25-90.

This year's Russ Ortiz and Bruce Chen (aka AL batting practice twice a week) will be Jaret Wright and Steve Traschel. The former walks too many and the latter's ERA has gone up each of the last 5 seasons.

Seeing Red

Fresh off winning last year's World Series, the St. Louis Cardinals are back to try to repeat. They should have their closer, Jason Isringhausen, back by the start of the season. They also have the best hitter in the league playing everyday at firstbase. They also have maybe the best right handed pitcher in the league. So, what's stopping them from doing it again?

Let's Be Honest:

This team did nothing to make themselves better. In fact, they actually made themselves worse. Besides losing Jason Marquis and Jeff Suppan, they also had to move Adam Wainwright to the rotation because Isringhausen will be back. Sounds crazy, doesn't it, that Izzy may hurt this team. But, in reality, with the success that Wainright had last year during their run in the 9th inning job it's not that nuts. They did sign Adam Kennedy, filling the ultimate need for an aging, past-his-prime second basemen.

Reunited:

Speaking of Kennedy, he and shortstop David Eckstein are put together as double play partners once again. The two shared a middle infield for the Angels a few years back. There's no funny, cute joke attached to this one, just legitimate feelings of congratulation for the two pals.

Two's a Crowd?:

Here's the main issue with this team, sure they offer the two best players at their positions (Pujols 0ffense, Carpenter Pitching), but after them, that's about it. There isn't a scary hitter on this team outside of Pujols. Edmonds is filing for social security by the All-Star Break, and hasn't hit over .265 since 2004. Rolen, in all fairness, has put together a few good seasons, but isn't the feared player he was supposed to become. Outside of them, who scares you? Chris "Don't Call Me Hines" Duncan? Or maybe Juan "One Under God" Encarnacion?

The pitching staff features a overhyped right hander, a man who had a blod clot in his right arm only a season ago, and a former closer who couldn't close. Recipe for success, if you ask me.

Saga To Follow:

That former closer is Braden Looper. Mr. Looper, of Mets and Marlins fame, could potentially work his way into the starting rotation for this team. The idea he's even being considered for a Major League roster spot is laughable on its own merits. Compound that with the fact that he may be a starter for a team coming of a WS victory, and you have a full blown comedy. Has Tony LaRussa ever heard of Byung-Hyun Kim, or Danny Graves?

First Cardinals Pitcher To Get Marquis'd:

One would go naturally with Looper, but that'd be like throwing at the fat kid during recess or choosing the ADD kid for the spelling bee. Also, I doubt he'll be around long enough to achieve that sort of infamy. I could also say Ryan Franklin, but I'll go with Kip Wells because he'll be there the whole season barring another blod clot.

Where Have You Gone:

Mark Mulder, former ace of the Oakland A's, is nowhere to be found. He's been gone long enough to declare legally dead. Basically, his arm stopped working last season. Sure, it was only one season, and he did have a 97-50 record coming into that season. Yet, after surgery and with no guaranteed starting spot, this guy seems to have completely lost control on his career.

Bold Statement (s):

This team will finish in 2nd place, battling for it with the Brewers.

I've read this somewhere else, but I'll say it again here, Albert Pujols will win the Triple Crown. Barring a freak Freddy Sanchez-type season, its very possible.

Adam Wainwright won't dissappoint, he'll win 14-18.

Tony LaRussa, in another one of his stunts, will shock the baseball world, and wind up winning a few games by batting a pitcher in the 4 hole. When asked why after a game, he'll simply respond with, "it worked when Jason Marquis hit 8th, and Anthony Reyes is at least twice the pitcher he is"

From The Bay Area And Back Down, Cali Is Wit It With They Mack Down

Another team, another new manager. This time, we welcome long time Billy Beane buddy Bob Geren (any more B-words?) to the Big Show (there you go). Expect this team to run more than they did under Ken Macha, though they won't be leading the division in steals any time soon. Ultimately though, the question with this team, and this organization, revolves around how they'll deal with the idea with the seemingly annual lose of a franchise player.

Let's Be Honest:

This team won't miss Barry Zito that much. True, someone is going to have to throw those innings. But, even with him, they wouldn't be that good. They're not better than the Angels, not on paper at least. Figure Rich Harden to be healthy for a full season, and expect big things. Why this season? I have no idea, just a gut feeling. And, as this heading says, let's be honest here, Dan Haren and Joe Blanton are more than capable, not to mention that Mr. Zito hasn't been a pitcher worth missing (esp. not at a price of tag of 18 mil. per) since 2002.

Time To Step It Up:

Eric Chavez. Enough with this guy, already. It's been 3 years of average to poor play. If he's really the top-tier 3B everyone likes to think he is, it's about time he shows it.

Number One Reason Why ROY Means Nothing:

Bobby Crosby, ROY in 2004, has played 180 games over his last 2 seasons. Not that this should come as a shock to anyone, but this guy stinks. The ROY season wasn't even an aberration--he batted .239. He can't hit, and he can't stay healthy. Sounds like a real winner to me.

New Addition To The All How-Is-This-Guy-Still-A-Major-Leaguer Category:

Catcher Jason Kendall must have naked pictures of Billy Beane with farm animals, because there simply is no other explanation as to how he is still a Major League, starting catcher. Yes, he hits for a good average. But so do second basemen. The man has hit 4 homeruns in his last 450 games. Enough said.

The Over/Under Bullpen:

Why is it called that? Simply because everyone not named Huston or Justin has a 2 month O/U set for when they'll be cut. Alan Embree. Jay Witasick. Chad Gaudin. If you can't cut it with Tampa Bay, shouldn't that say something?

It's Only A Matter of Time Before...:

Mike Piazza returns to his bully pulpit (the catcher's position). Sure, he signed as a DH. But, there is always the chance Jason Kendall, Adam Melhuse, and Jeremy Brown are all injured. Or, that they're all not good enough to catch everyday. Wait, that last part is true already. So, I guess us Pizza man fans will have to wait for a serious string of injuries.

Milton Bradley goes crazy again, throwing a lawn chair at a fan or lighting a bench coach's uniform on fire. The man is insane, and not that good of a ball player to justify it. Wouldn't you just rather have a steriod user? Randy Velarde, anyone?

Bold Statement (s):

• Nick Swisher will hit 40 homers.


• Dan Haren and Rich Harden both will win 15 games.


• No one will accurately pronounce Bob Geren's name (hard of soft G?), until he snaps mid season and pulls a Milton Bradley, taking his frustration out on an unsuspecting Oakland Tribune writer.

Deep Sea Fishing

With a new manager at the helm, the Florida Marlins look to improve on a 78 win season which saw them play at a much higher level than most expected. Don’t try to say Joey G. didn’t do a good job. He did. Upper Management didn’t like Joe. So, we now usher in the Fredi Gonzalez error. Uh, era.

Let’s Be Honest:
This is a really young team. Really, really young. Before we crown this as the best pitching staff in the major leagues, can we please recognize the fact that, outside of Dontrelle Willis, the other 4 starters had started a grand total of 5 games prior to last season. Great young arms? Yessir. But, let’s wait and see.

Same goes for the offense. Outside of the senior member of the lineup, Mr. Cabrera, most are young (though promising) players. Again, bear that in mind before heralding this lineup.

Biggest Mistake:
Firing Joe Giradi. Note to Marlin management: Joe’s a great manager, who got the best of out of a young team. Bad job.

Taylor Me Purple:
How on earth did this team not go out and find a closer? Maybe Sweaty Joe Bo wasn’t the best answer, but he was an answer (36 saves). Maybe Taylor T. could do the job. Maybe. But that does seem like a bit much to ask out of a man that’s pitched only 40-some-odd innings in his major league career. Starting to sense a theme here?

Saga To Follow:
Aaron Boone follows the road less traveled, learns a knuckle ball, and cracks the Marlins bullpen. While this is highly unlikely, what are the odds he gets playing time over Cabrera or even Hermida or Willingham? Not great.

D-Train D-railed?:
Most likely not. If he hasn’t been traded yet, why now? The rumors should be there, they always are. But, in the words of Chris “Mad Dog” Russo, show some guts Florida management and hold on to the kid.

Bold Statement(s):
Miggy Cabrera will win the NL batting title.

Injuries to starters will force men named Yusmiero and Sergio into the starting rotation at least temporarily.

Alex Sanchez, back on steroids, will make the club as the team’s starting CF (over Reggie “And Fitch” Abercrombie). He will proceed to blast 3 HRs, score 120, and steal 65, all while batting a steady .255. (Only a few of these things will happen).

Kansas City Dreaming

Straight off another 100 loss season, the Allard Baird-less Royals look to avoid the dubious distinction for a 5th time in 6 seasons. If you want their lineup, their starting rotation, look elsewhere.

Let's Be Honest:

This is the Royals we're talking about. The team that last year lost 100 games and saw its star pitcher nearly leave the game entirely following an emotional breakdown.

Now, 55 million dollars, one overweight pitcher and a poor GM later, are the Royals ready to compete? Not quite. First, the division is, in the words of many a sorority sister, "ridic". Maybe the best in baseball, the AL Central has some big guns. Yet, many in Royal Nation, if such a thing actually exists, believe this could be the year the team competes. In fact, new GM Dayton Moore has gone so far as to confirm that previous statement. Seems like a lot from a man inheriting a team that hasn't had a 30 HR season since 2000 (Jermaine Dye).

Yet, all this being said, this isn't that bad of a team. I'd say, these aren't your father's Royals, but, frankly, if they were, they'd be good. Take a look up and down this lineup, and you'll be pleasantly surprised. The rotation, not great, but same as the lineup, surprising. That's all from the soap box.

What Can We Expect?:

Less than 100 losses? I guess that's about all.

First Player To Have Another Zack Greinke-esque Breakdown:

Angel Berroa, after he realizes that the untimely Rookie of the Year curse isn't a curse, but rather an indicator of a lucky year for a man that couldn't cut it in Wichita.

What Your Most Likely To Hear Shouted At A Royals' Loss:

Bring Back Burgos! That is, of course, after the Royals management realizes that Octavio Dotel hasn't been good for years and isn't going to suddenly turn it on.

Bold Statement(s):

The Royals are a 70-75 win team.

John Buck will not be with the team by September. Well, he shouldn't be at least.

Luke Hudson will win 15 games. By August. 2008.

Spring In The Air?

Well, maybe not yet. But it sure is getting close to what I like to call baseball cap weather. The sort of weather where you can't really where shorts, but don't need to wear a parka.

Either way, in light of pitchers and catchers reporting just a week ago, a light NBA trading deadline, and other lackluster sporting events, we present the following, full Major League Baseball Preview.

Questions, Comments, and Concerns.

All appreciated.

Beam Me Up, Scottie

Assorted GM: So, you think you can make a comeback, huh? Well, let's look at some things. You're in great physical shape. You even claim to be at your playing weight of, what, 220 lbs? Not much body fat. Well, Mr. Pippen, you seem to be just the man we're looking for. It says here you've won six championships and are one of the 50 Greatest Players in NBA History. I must say, I don't know what it is a man of your skill, caliber, and know-how is doing on the market still, but we're going to give you a serious shot here. Before you go, just a few quick, paper-work questions.

Scottie: Sure, shoot.

GM: Ok, first. When was the last time you played competitive basketball?

Scottie: Honestly, seven years ago.

GM: Wait a minute. It says here, you finished playing in the NBA in 2004.

Scottie: Yeah, I know. But, I haven't really been competitive since 2000. I mean, if you consider missing around 20 games a season and seeing every statitisical average fall competitive, then I misspoke.

GM: Ok....Well, how old are you?

Scottie: Now, that's a funny question. Because, I...I, uh...I feel great.

GM: How old, Scottie?

Scottie: 39?

GM: Scottie?

Scottie: OK, OK, I turned 41 last September. Alright! I'm older than dirt. What do you want from me. I am playing with Ben Gordon and some gal from the Chicago WNBA team this weekend.

GM: Fair enough. Now that I think about it, we could use some experience, a little age, wisdom. We play Denver after the break, can you be ready?

Honestly, enough of this business. Who really thinks he can be effective? The first Mike of the radio program duplicated in his name on ESPN Radio said multiple times this morning that he could really help a team.

No one is doubting the skill set Mr. Pippen once had, nor what impact that would bring if he still had it. Yet, keep in mind, before you hail the point-forward as some team's savior, he's 41 and hasn't played in the NBA since 2004. That's 2 full seasons off for a man over 40. I don't care what weight he's at, that's asking a lot of man. To simply come back to NBA shape and form, and play big minutes for a team in playoff/championship contention. Why, that seems a bit much, no?

Some notes:

• Tell me I wasn't the only one who thought, upon seeing Tim Hardaway's face initially on ESPN a few days ago, that he was announcing he was a homosexual. As it turns out, TimBug took the classier path, cursing those goddamned gay people that he hates so much. Maybe he wants to make a comeback.
• Speaking of homosexuality, I've come into question myself recently. I just acquired John Mayer's newest album, Continuum. I must say, great stuff. What that says about me, I'm prepared to accept.
• Kerry Wood, adding to an already long list of ridiculous injuries, has hurt himself while falling out of a hot tub. Apparently, he slipped and hurt his chest. We here at Reverse can already hear Sweet Lou cursing the day he accepted this job. I can only imagine what Carl Pavano is scheming up to top this one.
• The Red Sox Japanese phenom, Daisuke Matsuzaka, arrived to Red Sox camp recently, though the camp starts on Sunday. Good job. Unfortunately, he brought with him about 200 reporters and press agents. Have fun with that throughout a season. Also, have fun with the fact that this mystery pitch (the gyroball) isn't really a part of his 6 pitch array.
• Raise your hand if you're already annoyed by the increased NASCAR coverage on ESPN. I can't see your hands, but I'll trust they're up.
• One thing is certain as we head into the NBA All-Star Weekend in Las Vegas: Tyrus Thomas is just a good guy. Recently, he announced his willingness to compete in the Slam Dunk Contest, simply because of the free money. First of all, what is 10,000 dollars to a guy making as much as he does. Second of all, does anyone talk to him, before he talks? If not, they should. And a tip: Putting out ridiculously gramatical apologies through your agents doesn't garner the sorries needed to put you back in favor, Ty.
• I, for one, am happy for Wade Phillips. The man preceeded in previous HC jobs by Dan Reeves twice, and succeeded by two generations of Mora's has landed again in Dallas. This, after leaving the Chargers, who find themselves in need of a head coach. I don't know if he was even considered for that job, but it clearly is the better of the two. TO, Jerry Jones. Need I say more. Though no one would accuse him of being a bad coach (for his career, he's over .500), this guy doesn't bring anything new to the table. Give some fresh blood chance. I'll say this for Phillips, he did make people think Rob Johnson was a good quarterback. Maybe he can fool people on Tony Romo.
• Here are your winners for All Star Weekend. Sophomores, NBDL West, Gerald Green, Mike Miller, Dwyane Wade, the Spurs, the NBA West, and Kobe. There you have it.

What's Eating Gilbert Arenas?

How good is this man? I wonder.

How arrogant is this man? I also wonder.

How long will it last? More wonder.

Where did he come from? That, I know the answer to.

The great University of Arizona, and a second round draft pick no less. Now, he's not only averaging over 30 points per game, but he's single handedly winning games.

On the Arenas highlight list already this season.

1. Scored more than 40 points, 7 times.
2. Scored more than 50 points, 3 times.
3. Season high 60 against the Lake Show.
4. Two game winners, from so far away they would've counted as at least 5 pointers had NBA JAM rules been in effect.

Yet, the interesting part of all are the incredible accolades being thrown on Mr. Arenas season. NBA columnists, pundits, and the like all laying tons of praise on the man known as Agent 0.

The timing is most curious. People make it seem as if this guy literally started scoring this season. Not quite. Last season, only a point less per game (29.3), and over 25 the year before. The real story with Gilbert Arenas was his explosion into the league in his second full season, where he started every game and averaged just under 19 ppg. Stats aside, this guy didn't just start pouring in shots from everywhere yesterday.

Still, I'll say that while I enjoy his showmanship, desire to be the main man in the clutch, and ability to come through in the clutch, I wouldn't start my team with young Gilbert. Only two players average more shots taken per game, A.I. and 'Melo. Though, Mr. Arenas has played signifcantly more than both of those two. Not to mention, his propensity for turning the ball over and fairly low shooting clip (43%). I'm not saying he's not great. I'm just saying, let's hold off on the "best player in the universe" praise.

Some notes:

• As if Paul Pierce's prolonged injury wasn't enough, the Celts have been hit, in recent weeks with the loss of Tony Allen, Wally Szczerbiak, and Delonte West. Add Theo Ratliff to make a starting 5 that many would've thought the C's could've began the season with. Now, they're all together again, on the IR.
• Relievers everywhere were jealous this week as Jeff Nelson was granted his long wish of being able to retire a Yankee. After the signing of a minor league contract with the Bombers, the long awaited return of one of the greats to the pinstripes is over. The man often confused for Norm Charlton finally can rest soundly as a Yankee.
• The latest lesson in "Don't Listen to What Athletes/Coaches Say" 101: Colt Brennan, QB of Hawaii fame has announced he is entering the NFL draft. This after he vowed to return to college football after leading Hawaii to an impressive bowl victory. While he still has the ability to return to college, who really thinks he will? Maybe Nick Saban does.
• Apparently, someone in the NFL brass thinks its a good idea to have a regular season game played in London next year. I can't even begin to go into how stupid this is. First of all, you aren't popularizing NFL football over there. To them, football is soccer. Second, teams complain about short weeks because of Thanksgiving, and having to go from Oakland to Cleveland. How does across the Atlantic sound? You can already hear the complaints filing in from teams who "couldn't get back on track".
• Fire Marty "Marge" Schottenheimer, immediately. Not that this last game was really his fault, but please, give someone else a chance. 5 and 13 in the playoffs, enough already. He wasn't his typical, overly aggressive run self, but still, let someone try to take this team to the next level, because the talent is certainly there.
• Am I the only one who thinks that the new coach of the Cardinals, Ken Whisenhunt, looks almost identical to Bill Cowher. Pittsburgh could've replaced Cowher with Whisenhunt, not told anyone he retired and never missed a beat. Just a thought.