Head on Down to The Garden

Been to Penn Station recently? How about any where near the Garden? Smell that? No, it's not the Knicks. Those fucking losers, fortunately, finished a while ago.

What you're smelling is the stench of the WNBA. That sweet aroma is in the air, so it must be time to tip off again. And the author of this blog couldn't be happier.

Whose up for some mid-60's action? Some regular season leading 18.6 ppg? Twice a week action?

Ooooh weee. Try to hold in your excitement, please.

This year marks the 10th anniversary of the league, and how its not only stayed around so long but expanded is simply beyond me. I just can't figure it. First of all, the ticket prices are outstandingly high. Whether its the Indiana Fever or the New York Liberty, a good seat is still going to cost you about 65 bucks. In the Garden, that might not even cut it. They actually have the nerve, the balls, the "chutzpa" as we like to say, to charge $100 for the most expensive seat.

The quality of the league simply isn't very good. We're talking about a league in which the all-time leading scorer has averaged 21 ppg (Cynthia Cooper). We're talking about a league in which the act of dunking is commensurate with the resurrection of Christ. We're talking about a league in which the size and speed of the game being played could be mistaken for lower level high school basketball.

Now, in fairness, I recognize some of the positive aspects of the league.

1. Older men can now keep the majority of their "spending money" given to them by their wives to see a bunch of bouncing boobies.

That's about it. Maybe Keith Hernandez was onto something...(Ed. Note: These views do not reflect the views of Blogger or any of it subsidiaires. Rather, they reflect this author's sexism, biggotry, and ignorance)

No, en serio...The league is good for young girls wanting to get involved in basketball, and I'm sure that it draws well enough. But the fact remains, this isn't good product for the majority of the population. And, let's be real, even if it was. Even if I could find all the numbers and quotes in the world to backup a defense of the WNBA, people like myself would still shoot it down. I like men. And I like basketball. So, I watch the NBA. (Ed. Note: Again, the author's homosexual remarks neither denote his nor Blogger's sexual orientations)

The WNBA actually has a fantasy game starting up this season. I swear. Check it out at WNBA.com, its called the Triple Threat, and you get points for every point, rebound and assist the player you pick for each day. Here's the catch, the site exclaims, you can't pick a player more than once. What a new and wonderful twist!

If your wondering, the answer is yes. I have a team. "Hammond's The Man", for arguably my favorite player Becky Hammon. Oddly enough, she is married to ex-good reliever Chris Hammond. And Cole Hamels. No, no she's not. I do have a team, that part wasn't a joke. But, I'd say I keep it up for this week and that's about it. Keep your eye on Tamika Catchings and Lauren Jackson in games one and two this year.

Gotta run, tickets go on sale in about 28 hours. My car has broken down, so I am forced to skip gleefully to the city to get my Liberty tickets. Wish me luck.

The Columbus Crew

For over 200 million dollars, I think it's fair to expect more than a bunch of minor leaguers in your lineup. For over 200 million dollars, I think its fair to expect pressure on everyone, even the biggest of superstars.

Sure, the heat is on Randy Johnson and Alex Rodriguez. The Big Joke has performed as un-Unit like as is possible, reverting back to a form only the Montreal Expos have seen of the foul mouthed lefty. His fastball has no explosion, its lost about 5 mph. His slider doesn't bite, thus making it a sad excuse for a breaking pitch or just a fat fastball. And, now, he can't intimidate anyone anylonger. Here's case in point. Mark Kotsay, a weak hitting, albeit decent hitter overall, Centerfielder that bats from the left side of the plate. Kotsay, again, not known for his power, drilled a homerun off of RJ that is still traversing the hills of NY, I believe its made its way to White Plains.

A-Rod, he'll come around, we can leave him alone for right now.

The problem here is that there have been so many injuries that the team is practically decimated. Sheffield...Runs into the brick wall that is Shea Hillenbrand and now wont come back until he is ready for himself. Matsui...Dives trying to make a nice catch, instead catches a bad break, Literally. Then, it just gets ridiculous from here. As you know, Pavano and Dotel started the season injured, so we can count them out. After Chacon's 1.1 and 7 ER escapade a few days ago, he now has a bruise titled, and I kid you not, a hemotoma in his leg. Otherwise known as a bruise because he was getting the shit kicked out of him too hard. Then, Pavano, after his rehab is finally going well, pulls himself out of a Double A start in Trenton because of arm stiffness. Bubba Crosby pulls a hamstring running to first on a single. Tanyon Sturtze has a rotator cuff injury and is getting what should be season ending surgery. It's all good in the neighborhood.

Well, if that neighborhood is Columbus, Ohio, than yes. Well, actually no. While its nice that their players are now in the bigs, they now have no one to play.

You want Melky Cabrera in there. Fine. Kid hit over 380 in the minors. I'll give you him. But, you start putting guys like Kevin Reese, a man who hit under 260 in the minor leagues, mind you, and I have a problem with that. I have a problem with Scott Erikson. Maybe if this was 1997, I'd be ok with it. But, sadly, its not and a winning ballclub can't put him out there. Ever. The man has no stuff, no velocity, no break, and no control. 3.2 innings this year, only 2 hits, but 6 walks. He's has NOTHING! Get him out of my sight, he's a disgrace to the uniform and to the league. He was good for three or four separate years about 10 years ago. Happy trails.

On a day like today, you simply can't have 4 outs in the lineup (Bernie, Melky, Bubba/Reese, Stinnett). OK, so you say its just one day, Posada will come back tomorrow then. But what about when Giambi or Damon needs a rest. Then Williams stays out there, and maybe, just maybe we're lucky enough to get a Andy Phillips or Miguel Cairo sighting.

And no, that's not Superman on the horizon. It's superprospect Kevin Thompson. This OF from Columbus is waiting, matter-of-fact, he's chomping at the bit, to wiggle a spot into Torre's everyday lineup so that he and his mates from Columbus can inch closer to their diabolic plan to overtake the New York Club. Kudos to you and the rest of the Crew from Columbus.

"Alex Being Alex"

9-time All Star...2-time MVP...2-time Gold Glover...4-time HR champ...Career .307 hitter...436 HR's...Over 1200 RBI's...8 straight seasons of 35+ HR's, 105+ RBI's...226 SB's...

These are all of the incredible statistics that Alex Rodriguez has amassed over his 11 year career. Yes, 11 years. Keep in mind, he started at 19, and he's just now turning 30. Scary isn't it? That a guy this great has so many more years ahead of him, and has been so great already.

But, what might even be scarier is what this guy has to live with every season. We all know he's tensed up in the big spots for the Yankees, and especially in regular season games against the Mets and Red Sox. And when you play for The Boss, thats what you get paid for. However, he did play well against the Mets last year (no homers, but batted over .600 in 6 games). And, although he may not have been Superman, he did hit 6 homers against the Red Sox last year in 19 games. The prior year, he hit over .300 in 19 reg. season games against the Sox. Not to mention he and David Ortiz, considered by many to be the most clutch player ever created, had the same amount of game winning RBI's last year. Some food for thought.

In the post season, he's a career .305 hitter in 31 games with 6 homers and 15 RBI's. In fact, in his first post season series with the Yanks, he hit over .400 against the Twins. The problem--he's 10 for his last 46 since that point.

Here's the bigger issue...This great young superstart, for all of the regular season accolades he collects, seems to legitimately tense up when the spotlight shines. While it only may be showing in NY (he did produce well in Seattle in the post-season), he seems to simply not be able to get it done when it counts. His first game of the series at the Stadium is a perfect example. Known league-wide as a stellar fielder, he makes two errors that blow the game wide open. In game two, he hit a tie breaking bomb off of Schilling.

You see though, that's where the problem comes in. After being ridden like a bad horse during the day, he comes through and it still won't be enough. The pressure on this man is too much, and it's absolutely true. While I'm not condoning his performance (I feel like I'd need another set of hands to count his errors and failures in big spots), the man simply can't do enough right. Game winner one game, huh? Well, if he doesn't hit one tomorrow, then he just isn't clutch.

His contract is too big! We've all heard that one, as if the contract he was foolishly given by the Rangers should have any bearing on his performance. Hicks overpaid for him, plain and simple. And, don't call him greedy, please. If I told you I would give you 25 million or 16, which would you take? Honestly.

Lest we forget, he does play alongside the man who can do no wrong, Derek Jeter. The man of the hour, Mr. November, Captain Clutch. He's done it in every big spot, he's the captain of the most popular franchise maybe in the whole world, and he never seems to catch any heat. I'm not suggesting he should catch any heat, but just about anyone comes up short in comparison to Jeter when it comes to clutch-"ness".

Finally, there's the whole phony personality thing. Let me say this. He does come off as fake at times, but you know what, so do all of these ballplayers. It has become so P.C. that no one says whats really on their mind, and if they do, they're considered an asshole (see Kevin Millar). So, again, we will return to the question and answer section of the post. Would you rather have a guy who does try to say the right things, is a generally good guy, is one of the top 2 players in the game, and does come off as a bit phony (at times) or would you rather have a guy like Manny Ramirez. Maybe the answer is simple. But, people never seem to give Manny a hard time for being a straight up prick. Not nice. Not interested. Hides in walls, demands trades, doesn't hustle. But hey, its just "Manny Being Manny".

I wonder when it will be "Alex Being Alex"

Enough is Enough

I love sports...Trust me, I do. But, there's certain things that even a fan like myself can't comprehend. Athletes seem to have a free pass for basically everything they do. Some of these guys are straight up felons.

Let's examine some of the recent examples, perhaps the most recent...Delmon Young's recent tantrum over balls and strikes has got him an indefinite suspension. Well, what he did was clearly reasonable. After getting called out on a ball that was, admittedly, outside, he decided his best option would be to argue with the ump, get thrown out, and then (here's the kicker) throw his bat at the ump.

Now, not that bat throwing is a criminal offense, but I believe that if I got into an argument with my roomate and then threw a baseball bat at a pretty good speed right at him, I'd be in some serious trouble.

For the Rays, as strange as it sounds, its probably a pretty good thing that he did this. In fact, they might have told him to do something of this sort so that they could keep him down in Durham. Tampa is trying to hold on to his Minor League status as long as is humanly possible...Fuck, they've got a neverending supply of outfielders as it is anyways...

So, it begs the question, when is enough enough?

Here's my list of things that will have to happen for the professional sports to start realizing that these guys could face more serious penalties than a weak fine or a suspension from a game that they'll simply come back to anyway.

5. A former rebounding champ has to shoot (accidently) a Greek chauffer.

4. A former star running back has to distribute illegal drugs to children, preferrably under 15.

3. Another (keep in mind not the same guy here) former star running back has to murder his wife, and in plain sight with obvious evidence against him.

2. Sluggers need to lie under oath in a Congressional hearing.

1. A player needs to run into the stands and assault an innocent fan.

I'm sure that if any of these happen, the player will surely be kicked out and face legitimate problems with the law. Come on, these guys aren't in the Oval Office. They're not immune to prosecution during their time in their league. At least I'm not aware of that provision in their contract.

Before anything else happens, I'll predict what a few players are able to get away with.

In baseball, some middle infielder, upset that he's in a slump known as his career will take his frustations out on a fan, and beat him with his bat. Then again, the way he's been hitting, will be the defense..

In basketball, it's simple. A player sneaks a gun into the stadium and shoots a ref in the chest. No questions asked, and Violet Palmer is called into finish up. Dick Bavetta, as is his custom, fakes his own death after being shot in the chest, retaliates and shoots back at the player. The player doesn't die, and Bavetta goes to jail.

In football, a lineman goes off an a running back during a break in the action, taking out his knees, ripping every ligament, paralyzing him, and then shitting on his face...

Finally, in hockey, a player signs an autograph and is put on trial for acknowledging that the sport actually has fans.

New York, New York

What has happened in recent times to the so-called "home of champions"? Well, at least according to YES, easily one of the least biased networks on cable. But still, the Yankees, 200 million plus and .500. The Knicks, jeez. What did the massacre end at, 35 games below even? And now the Giants, with, what some might call the most sagacious signing of the year in LaVar Arrington...Where have the champions gone?

Well, the Yankees, they've simply faded into corporate oblivion. Buying every single interesting (Ed. note: not necessarily good, but fascinating) player available on the market. Well, at least they could control themselves long enough to not bid on A.J. Burnett. He's had a fun go of it this year. One start after a DL stint, and now, another stint. Even better news, he's heading down to James Andrews. And everyone knows, there's only two reasons people visit Alabama: they are interested in screwing that hot cousin of theirs, or they have serious arm problems. Hopefully, AJ falls into the latter category. But, alas, the Yankees have been mired in mediocrity this season. Unable to win more than 3 games in a row all season, and that streak came against, you guessed it, the Kansas City (not-so) Royals. While I'm sure they'll come around, finish first and lose prior to the World Series, these last few seasons should leave you with a sour taste in your mouth if your a Yankees fan. You go to a game and you have to buy one of the programs for about 25 bucks so that you can actually identify the people on the field. I've heard that they're thinking about instituting the "name on the back of the jersey" idea so that fans won't have a hard time adjusting each season. I think I read that somewhere....

The Knicks had a poor season. Let's leave it at that, because, in the words of Steven. A. Smith., Quite Frankly they were horrible. And, I could spend months on it, maybe even years...Basically, I could write Larry Brown decides he made a terrible decision, bows out ungracefully, and decides he new dream job is in Memphis, where he wins a championship in two years. Yes, Pau Gasol has shaved by this point and Shane Battier has finally been cut.

The Giants, after a good season (they won their division, but got crushed in the playoffs, but still) made one of the greatest signings I have seen in quite a while. LaVar Arrington, after long wait, is finally a member of the New York Football Giants of New Jersey. The deal is for 7 years, at an estimated total of 49 million. Which seems to make sense. I spoke with John Clayton and he had this to say regarding Arrington's production and his new contract "Anytime you can give a guy more millions of dollars (49) than tackles (47) he made last season, thats a deal you have to make". Thanks, Johnny! A couple of other notes...Arrington is not only more injury prone than a Cubs pitcher in March, but he's not even good anymore. Well, not good enough to play LB more than 3rd down last season for the Redskins. He hasn't been good for 3 years now. 7 sacks and no INT's since 2002. Granted, he was good then, but then again, so was Ryan Klesko. What? I thought so.

So, it figures that a New York team overpaid for a player that clearly isn't very good. But hey, that's New York. Pride, power, Pinstripes. Looking back, looking forward. Or, to borrow a phrase from our pals at TJ Max, Getting the Minimum for the Max.

Rolling Like a Renegade, Clearly in Need of Clinic Aid

Have You Seen This Man?

Hopefully not, at least not in this outfit.

Ben Affleck is one of those guys that simply makes you scratch your head. Why he's doing movies, why he's occasionally on news talk shows, why you might see him on the Budweiser Hot Seat on ESPN. These are all questions that I truly cannot provide accurate and complete answers to.

Here's the most puzzling thing about Ben Affleck. While his frequent appearances outside of Hollywood may or may not bother you, he shouldn't even be around because he hasn't made a good move in about 10 years. It was a small film called "Good Will Hunting".

To paraphrase the great Jay-Z (Shawn Carter) "You said you been in this ten...Four albums in ten years nigga? I can divide. That's one every let's say two, two of them shits was due. One was - NAHHH, the other was "Illmatic". That's a one hot album every ten year average. And that's so - LAAAAAAAME! Nigga switch up your flow. Your shit is garbage, but you try and kick knowledge?"

For those of you who don't follow that reference, simply read it again and make these substitutions: Ben Affleck for You, One for Four, Movies for Albums. It should make sense now, trust me.

Anyway, this guy really should just be eradicated. Let's do everyone the favor. Who even likes him anymore. I know no one's going to see his movies. I would doubt that his last two movies, "Jersey Girl" and "Surviving Christmas" were in theaters for more than a combined 75 minutes. And "Gigli"? Jesus Christ Almighty. If you've seen it before, or even know someone that's seen it, please send me your address and I'll personally give you your money back. There are some movies that are fun to watch, simply because they are bad. This movie way beyond that. I've actually seen parts of it. I can't say I've seen it all, I'm too afraid. We've all heard the stories. That one kid from Sacramento that contracted SARS from watching it, or the woman and her children from Toronto that lost their senses of smell. I'm not going to even gamble, and take risk.

What other reasons are there to hate him? Well, for starters, he's a Red Sox fan. Which isn't even the worst part. The worst part is that he thinks he's in the front office, and that anyone gives a damn about his opinions. "Trade Lou Merloni for a bag of balls", and all of his assorted anti-Yankees sucker shots, from the cameras of ESPN no less. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think there have been any popular Yankees fans on ESPN insulting the Red Sox. I have no problem with him rooting for his favorite team, but please, keep your fucking mouth shut. Make a good movie once every decade, and then, and only then will I give you the opportunity to speak in public about your team.

Politically, the guy's an asshole. And its not because he's a democrat. He could be a republican, he could be a whig, or a tory or a green party member or anything for that matter. What's annoying is how active he is, campaigning for various insundry candidates and what not. Get it together Affleck, no one cares.

So, the bottom line for Mr. Affleck should be this: Focus yourself to your movie career. We know, or at least we like to hope, that you have talent in this area. Please use it. Otherwise, sterilize yourself and get the fuck out of my face.

Fish Don't Fry In The Kitchen

Here's the latest news out of the Joey Harrington Camp: He's reportedly leaning towards agreeing to a 2 year deal worth approximately 18 million per to play for the Dolphins. (Ed. Note: The figures of the deal are still being worked out between the two sides)

Joey Harrington, the boy wonder from Detroit, by way of Portland, Oregon. Since this kid's entered the league, he's done nothing but re-write the record books. 62 INT's in 4 years (a career best 22 in 2003-4). That's just talent, that's all that is.

And, let's be fair to Mr. Harrington, it's not as if he has had any talen around him. Three first round recievers, a former pro-bowl tight end, and a first round running back. Come on, that's pathetic. Joey needs at least 5 or 6 top shelf recievers to legitimately have a shot at more TD's than INT's.

Nonetheless, we here at Putting it In Reverse wish Joey the best. He's clearly making a great career choice. He was benched at the end of the season last year, so clearly he's disgusted with Detroit and wants to start somewhere. Naturally, he's opting to head to a team with a starting QB already in place.

Here's to you, Joe.

Can't We All Just Get Along?

In this corner we have our heavy weight, all 6-feet, 2-inches of him. Weighing in at 195 pounds, the Dominican Cheater himself, Julian Tavarez.

In the other corner we have the challenger. Coming in at a whopping 5-10, 170, Joseph Gathright.

That's a fight I'd love to see...

Wait a minute, that's a fight I could've seen, just a week ago.

Let me ask this question: What could have possibly provoked this sort of scuffle? A brew-ha-ha between these two? More like a laughingstock. The picture at the top should send you into hysterics if these words alone don't do it for you.

Here's a couple of possible scenarios that could have spurred on the fight.

1. Gathright, unaware of how ERA's actually worked, called Tavarez a piece of shit for his 21.60 ERA in 1994 as a member of the Cleveland Indians for less than 2 innings that season.

2. Tavarez wanted to challenge Gathright to a game of Jenga, and Gathright simply refused.

3. Gathright, ever the staunch Democrat, insulted Tavarez's belief in right to life.

4. Tavarez, upset that he's still in the league, wanted to start a fight so that he could get his name in the paper one more time without having to cheat to do so.

5. Gathright figured that if he could just get suspended, he'd be eligible to come back just as Rocco Baldelli was getting injured again, and reclaim the starting 8 spot in the D-Ray's outfield.

Whatever the reason was, this is what a wise man once called, "high comedy". First of all, baseball players taking swings at each other is enough for me. Then, when you add two players such as this who couldn't be any more different, you have yourself a hit. Gathright, the small, slap hitting speedster. Tavarez, the middle reliever. That's about all you can say for him nowadays. He's a cheater. Wait, I've made that joke already. Ok, here's a new one, he's played for eight teams. That's enough Tavarez bashing.

Hopefully, the next time we get to talk about fights, we're talking Craig Wilson and Rafael Soriano. Until then, we'll have to settle for Gathright/Tavarez II on the 18th of April.

The Once and Future Kings of Atlanta

In yet another rant on one of the Association's worst teams, I'd like to take a timeout to talk about the Atlanta Hawks.

The Hawks aren't as bad as their record indicates. 22 and 49, not the worst in the league, not even the worst in their own conference (Imagine that!). But, the problem with the Hawks is not their competitiveness, which they demonstrate on a fairly regular basis. It is, however, their lack of any current NBA talent. Before you get your panties in a bunch, I'll advise that we are setting Joe Johnson aside and excusing Al Harrington because he essentially on another roster, even as we speak.

Zaza Pachulia, commonly known by friends and children as ZZP, is a prime example of one kind of player that makes up their roster. Granted, his numbers are solid enough, 11 and a half points, 8 rebounds per contest. Take a look at his minutes though...The man plays over 30 minutes a night without another player ever even considering the thought of rebounding on his team. Also, take a look at his blocks. Now, we all know that Pachules can hop. But, a half block per game? Take it easy Big Z, you're terrorizing the league at a rate that is unprecedented and unheralded.

Tyronne Lue. Is it even fair to insult this man? He knows he shouldn't be in the NBA. We know he shouldn't be in the league. Christ, I'm sure his coach and teammates know it too. Not to mention the fact the guy looks like a rat with braids. But, I digress.

The other type of player on this roster comes in the form of Josh Childress, Marvin Williams and Josh Smith. These guys are all solid players at this point in their young careers, but won't develop into great players for years, possibly even decades because of how two came into the league practically wearing diapers.

Childress, we'll give the oreo this, he can shoot. The shoots at a high level, which is impressive for the low field goal percentage that's so common in the NBA. But, after that he's not particularly useful. Rebouding, shot blocking, steals, assists? He's about average or less, in most cases, in each category.

Marvin Williams and Josh Smith are more fun to group together. Both are absolutely oozing with potential and have shown flashes of brilliance. Call me crazy, but I like Smith, Mr. Smoove to you, better than Williams. I know what's been said about M-Will, but I don't know if I buy it. I don't know if he has enough to make it as a superstar in the league, from a moves stand point, from an freak athlete stand point, from a outstanding ability in any particular area stand point. Not to say he's not any good, but from what I've seen of him in the pros and more so at UNC, he isn't really great at anything. He can get to the hoop and throw down, shoot fairly well. But, he can't shoot the three, and isn't a prolific rebounder. Neither is he extraordinarily quick or what have you. Smith on the other hand, does have some glaring deficits. But, in the second half of this season he has proved that he is worth more than a simple highlight every once in a while of him T-bagging some bum on the Hornets (maybe Brandon Bass, if you swing that way). 14 points, 8 rebounds, 4 dimes, and most importantly 3 blocks per game. This guy's never going to be a dominant scorer, but he seems to be developing into a good player, that can do a bunch of things.

I'll say this for the Hawks, they have a bunch of really good young pieces. I would love to see Marvin Williams develop into a better player, which I think will happen, but just not into the superstar everyone else sees.

Yet, their major problem is not the talent they have for the future, but the talent they have now. While Smith has made progress, its not necessarily translating into wins. They have a better roster than the forlorn Blazers, or Knicks. But, the concern is when that roster will translate into some W's. Maybe next season. Maybe the season after that. Maybe a decade after that.

But, where do you go if you're the Hawks Front Office (Ed. Note: There is ongoing league investigation to make sure that one actually exists). You have talent on your roster, but it won't be good for a while. You're going to be bad until they turn good, which means you'll still have high picks every year, making you younger and younger each year. Not to mention that often you can't attract Free Agents with more than 20 minutes of experience in the league. So, with this in mind, what do you do?

When you figure it out, you let me know.

The Rose that Grew From Concrete

Explain to me, if you please, the reason why a man like Vin Baker is still in the NBA...I'll give you some time to think...Time's up...

Here's a tougher one, how does a guy like Charlie Bell not only stay in the ranks, but put up near triple doubles whenever he gets to start?...I'll give you some time to think...Time's up...

Here's the reason, or at least my version of the reason which is all that really counts since, newsflash--you're reading my blog. The NBA is so watered down, it seems, that any player could play 35 minutes a night and put up solid numbers. Don't believe me? Take any player, put him on the Hawks for a year...Then, watch his numbers and contract go up, and then talk to me.

The examples seem to be overflowing in this area. Take, for instance, the entire Portland Trailblazers roster. Here's just a wealth of talented, injury-free, positive players dedicated to winning basketball games. You've got Darius Miles, never one to sit out games for extended periods of time for an injury or extend a pesonal situation. Not to mention the fact that young Darius always arrives on time, with his teammates, to every Trailblazers shootaround. Why is it that these guys think that they can just miss a shootaround? Its part of the damn job. To me, thats the same as them saying, you know what, I think I'm going to just sit out the third quarter, how does that sound? Knowing the way things run in Portland, I'm sure it'd go over fine. Let's not review this roster without going over the tons of undersized and overused guards. Sebastian Telfair, Jarret Jack, Juan Dixon, Steve Blake. Yes, you are reading correctly. Steve Blake and Juan Dixon. The two guys who played for Maryland together. The two guys no one thought would make a big impact in the NBA. Now, they start together on the worst team in the entire league (not record wise, that dubious distinction belongs to the Knickerbockers, but don't worry, only by a game). This is a Trailblazers team devoid of any real talent that anyone would want (Zach Randolph), full of foreigners sure to never reach their potential if anyone outside of John Nash knows what it is (Victor Khryapa, Sergei Monia, Ha Seung-Jin), chocked with attitude problems (Randolph, for a deucer, and now we'll add Miles), and rounded out by guys that shouldn't be in the league to begin with (Travis Outlaw, Brian Skinner--and yes, I know what he's done lately, but as we recently argued, David Robinson could put up similar numbers, Charles Smith). Now, hold on for one second. Let's be fair to the Blazers. This is a team that got beat by a combined total of nearly 100 points (97) in three games this year. This is a team that is scoring a league low, 88 points per game. This is team that is second to last in Rebounding per game, 3rd to last in assists per game, and last in steals per game. Finally, this is a team that flat out sucks. In every sense of the word. I wish I could go on and on about this team. I probably could, but I feel like what I've written already is probably more than should have been done. This Trailblazers team is simply inexcusable. The roster of players assembled in Oregon makes me want to cringe, rip my eyes out, and then throw them at Ruben Patterson...Wait, better make that Voshon Lenard...

There's Something About Defense

Never one to disrespect the NBA, I take a moment to fire a round at the Association. Specifically, the lack of defense. Well, more specifically, the good teams that just don't seem to get it.

The Phoenix Suns, we can start there I guess. At what point will Coach D'Antoni realize that his style of play, albeit fun for some, isn't going to translate into wins against good teams, or even in games that matter. Take a look at the last two games for the Suns. Our pals from Phoenix managed to give up over 100 points two consecutive nights. Some teams don't give up 132 points in a two games, let alone one night. But, fear not, the Suns allowed that amount to the offensive juggernaut known as the Bucks. Yes, your father's pirates that average just under 98 points a game. But hey, among friends, whats the big deal with a 30 point jump in your pts. per game? This is a team that, plain and simple, doesn't get it. They have some defensive talent. Shawn Marion can play D, and so can Amare (may he rest in peace) as well as Boris Diaw. Granted, the Canadian couldn't guard Pepe Sanchez, but that's just one guy. This team's never going to challenge the Pistons or Spurs for the title of 'Best Defense in the League', but they could do a much better. See, here's where the problem comes in: their coach doesn't want them to play defense. In fact, it seems as if the players that play the least amount of defense are rewarded. Tim Thomas? Well, let's see...He plays minimal defense, has underachieved his entire career, and proved that he has a bad attitude this season. Sounds like a guy for the Suns. James Jones, Leandrinho Barbosa, the ex-Sun Jim Jackson, and the list goes on. Players like this are a dime a dozen in the token system that is the Suns offense. I'm convinced that there a players at the gym I play at that could score 15 a game in that offense. Its not a matter of skill, but rather a committment to avoiding defense at all costs.

The team that seems to have made the most change from last season has been the Dallas Mavericks. Lead by the General, the Mavs have seemingly and statistically made the jump to a team that one could say plays legit defense with certainty. I'm not going to even look at the numbers, because they won't help my cause. What will help my cause, though, is the game from last night. The Mavericks ran head first into a team that straight up locks it down. The Pistons don't fuck around. They play defense. Hard. Sure, now they've added offense because of Flip Saunder's freer system (otherwise known as Larry Brown being a hard ass and Saunders being the worthless piece of trash he was in Minnesota). The final score was 97-90, I believe. Its not so much that they played poor defense overall. Far from it. But, when push came to shove, the boys from D-town couldn't get a stop. Here's a great example...Towards the end of the game, the Pistons run a simple screen and roll set. Billups has the ball, just inside the three at the elbow. For no particular reason other than that he doesn't know how to play defense, Dirk, all seven feet of him, decided to guard the faster, quicker, and more elusive Chauncey Billups. And, Clutch Shot Chauncey (That's my nickname for him, I can't call him Big Shot, that name's been taking) drilled a 20 footer. And that was pretty much the game. Sure, they can play offense. But they can't stop anyone when it matters. People say that an NBA game only matters in the final two minutes. Maybe Coach Johnson should subcribe to this theory.